i wish i was doing something more artistic with my life. more creative.
i want to paint and dance and write. i would love to READ again. listen to music. prose. poetry.
i feel like i lost myself inside davidson and bailey&love.
im burnt out. i want to take a break from pathology and ugliness and watch a sunrise or a sunset without worrying about how much time im wasting.
i wish i could take a year off. im being sucked into this vortex, this spiral, i feel like im never going to have time for myself again.
im not happy, im way too stressed.
there are things i wanted to do in my life.. that i dont see myself doing anymore.
1. travel. see the world. not just 'america'. i want to go to europe. not to sight see. i want to absorb the life there, hang out there at leisure, maybe work there or study there. i dont want to see the world as tourist with an itinerary. i want to linger.
2. i want a piano. and i want to play it well. and i want to attend recitals. and i want to play with a band, not professionally, but as a hobby. i want to attend practice sessions and i want to bond over chords and progressions and harmonies.
3. i want to write a book. NOT a best selling formula crappy shit. i want to write about life, about people, about what its like to be strange, how to come to terms with loneliness, loss and death because that is eventually what life is all about.
4. i want to ride a horse through the countryside. i want dogs following me. strong, faithful, loyal beings.
5. i want to sit at a cafe, with a pen and notepad and write after ordering 'my usual'
6. i want to attend more literary events. i want to meet authors and attend book signings.
7. gokarna! i want to live there for a while. like a month.
its fun being a med student, but it gets really tough after a while, and from where im standing, it feels like it only gets tougher.
i can deal with it, but i sometimes find myself wondering if i would have been happier without knowing everything i know...
i want to grow wings and fly away.
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