Surprise Party; and Good Bye

I'm finally going.

Its five thirty in the morning, and at seven we're leaving for the station.

Sim threw me a surprise party. I got home and rang the bell and she opened the door. And there were like 5 ppl there shouting SURPRISE.
Turns out she'd been planning it for days....

Isnt that cool? ITs the one thing no ones ever done for me before. I was so touched. There were posters on the wall saying "SURPRISE" and "Best of Luck" and "Fly High". And there was pizza and ice cream cake from Nirula's. And LOTS of coke. WOW I never thought my friends were THAT sweet.

And I almost cried while I hugged all of them goodbye. I was thinking why we hadn't met more often in the last year and how could I NOT make the most of these ppl while I had them....
I love you guys so much.

Shit. Shouldn't be getting senti. I'm leaving home in two hours, and I havent said bye to Dandy yet.

Missing Y. Wish he was here to help me through this. But he's totally like "Been there, done that, dont wanna think about all that again". Hmm. He cant think of any reason why I wont like it. Which is probably true.

Well, I wont be posting for a while, atleast not for a weeks or so...until I get the whole internet thing worked out at Manipal.

Shit. Leaving Home. Its the most important transition I'm going to make in life. Its nothing more than a change in surroundings, but I'm going through it alone, without friends and family to help me through. Which is what makes it so tough. But I'm pretty sure I can live through it. Most people do. Right?
Good Luck Miracle Drug!

THEY BLOCKED US??

How rude.

The newspaper described it as a case of "throwing the baby out with the bathwater".

As long as blogger doesn't DELETE my blog permanently, I'm not too angry. And I'm pretty sure that they're going to lift this bock pretty soon.

Also, people, please use www.shysurfer.com to access blogspot. Though if you can read this, you must have already figured out a way around the block.

oh my god.

I cant believe I'm going.

I've spoken to so many people about this, about going away and living alone; in fact I've done it before. But I still can't believe its happening again. And I hope that it will be NOTHING like it was last time.

Been doing tons of shopping.
I'm at that stage where I actually have TOO many clothes. Can you believe ME saying that?

Before, it used to be like "Oh my god I have to leave in half an hour but I have nothing to wear. Everything I own is atleast 3 years old and/or doesn't fit me."

And now thats changed to "Oh my god I have to leave in half an hour, how can I possibly decide what to wear in such short time?"

And I've waited so long for this.


Tomorrow Sim's taking me to Lajpat Nagar to buy some salwaar kameezes cheap. Also footwear and a backpack. After that I'm all set to go. Packing it all up is going to be difficult. I was convinced I could fit it all in the BIG samsonite suitcase, but when I actually saw the 3 foot high mound of stuff on my bed I was forced to change my mind.

PROJECT sucks. I haven't collected my recommendation letter from her yet, and mom doesn't know it. I'm bound to get screamed at if she finds out.
All my photos got ruined, not that I would have had the space to fit it all into my 6 page report.

There is very little time left and so much to do. I have to start filling out the form. Write project report. Pack. Meet people. Get hair cut. Collect letter from school.

Filling out the stupid form is going to be tough. There are stupid questions like "Explain why you chose this project" and " what idea/instrument has excited you and why" and "Describe a recent breakthrough in Science and how it is important" etc etc. And I havent done the research required to answer these questions.

Project

Project coming along very slowly. I'm getting graphs that my teacher says no one has got before. Which means that:

1. I have no aptitude for research work
2. I cannot handle a sensitive machine like a photospectrometer with confidence and success
3. For all I know, the machine itself is crazy, like so many of the other crazy machines in the lab eg: all the physical balances, the digital balances if you catch them in a bad mood, all types of callipers etc. I've come to realise that the only instrument I have really mastered is the Microscope. Which also happens to be my favourite.
4. There's also the possiblity that the strain I'm working with has suddenly mutated and developed abnormal non sigmoid growth patterns.
5. My teacher is not going to give me a good reco because I obviously can't handle the instruments.
6. Therefore I won't land the fellowship.


Still have to take photographs, and compile all data in a presentable form, not exceeding 6 pages.

Thats going to be the toughest part. SIX pages is too little.

...
Apart from that, must begin packing soon. Leaving for Manipal in 2 weeks. I also have to finish some essential shopping and meet everyone I havent met yet.
...

My parents are moving to Noida (yuck) once I'm gone. I've seen the apartment, its pretty nice. Spacious and airy. With a Club and everything. So it wont be so bad when I come back for vacation.

White Oleander

I'm in love with this book. Someone please find it and buy it for me.

Its called WHITE OLEANDER. By JANET FITCH.

My birthday's too far, but you DEFINITELY dont need an occasion to gift me this anyway.

Make my day!

Now I wish I had seen the movie when HBO was showing it.

Lost love

I spoke to her after 5 years, but this time round I sounded older than her. Her voice was still her own, but her words were different, cynical. She told me what her life had been like after I left. She changed schools, found friends who betrayed her and ended up broken and faithless, watching her life flow down the drain.

She told me how she was being blackmailed by her boyfriend. Her friends weren't around when SHE needed help. Her little sister was ill and her parents were too busy to notice what was going on.

All it took was 2 years in DPS for her to lose the idealism and youthfulness that i was so attracted to. She was disillusioned, didn't trust life and didn't have friends because she was too afraid to trust people.

She was angry with me. She had expected me to continue corresponding with her. She said she felt abandoned. That she never really realised how much comfort I gave her. That I was the only one who understood her, that she was lost without me.
She told me about how she searched for my contact number but never called because she was so angry.

"Well," I said to her, "You took me for granted. You never told me you felt that way. If I had known, I would have been different." So different. I was in love with her. Her voice, her perfect diction, the way she walked back from the tennis court with me, telling me what an indecisive person she was. The way she'd wait for me before school started, under the big tree outside the dining hall. We'd walk together almost every morning, and I would savor the way words fell from her mouth. She was my saviour. That such a one could exist among the rest of them then surely, I could not lose myself.

When I left she told me that blood was thicker than water. I wanted to tell her that water was as important as blood, but I didn't, I was afraid my voice would break.

And now, it seems strange that she should cling to me for support, when the only reason I survived was her. I tried sorting her life out for her, reminding her about who she used to be. There, she fought her way out of depression every waking moment. She rose above it all, she was high enough to see the big picture, she saw that there was more to life. Now, its as if she's been sucked under, into the vortex of depression, going round and round in circles of regret.

I know how that feels. What its like to feel worthless. Life is what you make of it. And I just didn't make it good enough. What can you do with broken pieces of lost dreams?
Is there more to life?

This is for you, Misha:

The best is yet to come. You were a different person with a different life when you believed that. And that is the person you deserve to be and the life you deserve to live. Find it. Live it.

KVPY

I've FINALLY begun project work at school. Felt good to be there, pottering around in the labs just like I used to. The biotech lab has become so cool, I'm almost uncomfortable there. There are auto pipettes and cooling centrifuges and autoclavers (is that what they're called?) and spectrometres and incubators. whoa.

This is stuff I've never handled before, I've only seen demos. Hopefully the LAME project will come out looking REALLY GOOD.

Wierd: 2 kids walked into the lab and addressed me as "Ma'am"

Today was a bad day though. Some stupid kids screwed up BOTH the digital balances. So I was stuck having to measure stuff out using the physical balance, which sucks. The process, as any science student will inform you, is excruciatingly long and slow, without any guarantee that your results are accurate, because chances are some idiot has already fucked it up.

...

I met VK a week back, when I first went to school. I walked into the lab, and he saw me and literally welcomed me with open arms. When I told him I was going to do MBBS, he almost shed tears. He was wiping his eyes. Maybe something was in them (?). I was happy that I'd made him happy though. He always seemed out of place among a bunch of underachieving students. Atleast when I failed his subject, I felt really bad for him.

He composed two lines for me, in hindi, which Im not going to reproduce here. I was so touched. I couldn't say much to him, I just ended up tongue tied. But I hope he understood how much it meant to me.

...

Q

Insidemamind said...

You are definitely lucky to get into KMC. I read your previous posts and got to know that you went to Aakash. While I was in India, this year, I went to Brilliant Tutorials.. But I was really disappointed with the kind of teaching. Some of the teachers were good, while some failed to convey the concepts right! Some of the teachers communicated and taught the subject in Hindi.... I found it difficult, since I am not used to someone teaching me the Science subjects in Hindi. My parents spoke about my grievances to Brilliant. But it didn't do me any good. So I left the coaching and began studying on my own.

Out of all the exams I answered, I got through only two exams.. One for a college at Punjab and the other at Goa. (You can read the current post on my blog to know why I didn't opt for either of the colleges).

So I am going to drop for a year, and take a correspondent course. I have left India, and I am going to do a correspondent course...

I would like to know if a correspondent course from Aakash would do me any good, if I wish to answer the exams next year.

When I come down to India next year, I will try to go for a crash course at Aakash. I am not thinking about Brilliant at all

And one more question.. Do the teachers at Aakash teach in Hindi?


12:56 PM, July 03, 2006


Overall, I had a pretty good experience with Aakash. But I've heard from more than one person that BT isn't good. For classroom coaching Aakash is one of the best. I found that the teachers KNEW their subject. Through and through. Its worth the time and money you spend there.

if you're dropping a year, I would advise you to stay on in India and do the 1 year regular course at Aakash. You'll only realise how much it helped afterwards, while giving your entrances.

A correspondance course would help, if you have the kind of dedication and discipline it takes to keep at it. You have to be REGULAR the entire year. And its TOUGH. Especially when you know theres no one to force you to study.

As for the whole language thing, I think you should get used to it. Though most teachers at Aakash use English, some Hindi does creep in at times. If you plan to study in India, be prepared. I'm pretty sure Hindi is used widely by proffessors in most Medical Colleges as well. Unless you end up in a college with a significant NRI population (such as Manipal).

Consider studying in Punjab, if the college is in a big town. It would save you a year.

By the way, I saw on your site that you've cleared the Manipal entrance ????

Good Luck

Pictures of Manipal

I WOULD put up pictures, but blogger isn't letting me.

Aurinelle, HELP

(hehe)

KMC Manipal it is, then

Finalised the decision. Which wasnt so difficult seeing as how I DIDN'T get into any place better.

Went to see the campus recently. Its beautiful. Having heard so much about the place from random people I barely know, I was convinced that I had already over-rated the place in my head.

We got there within 15 minutes of getting an auto from the Udupi station. Our (shitty) hotel was just down the road from the KMC Campus, and just opposite the MIT campus. After dumping luggage etc and cleaning up and eating breakfast at the Cafe Coffee Day ten steps away from the hotel, we walked uphill to the campus.

Counselling/Completion of admission formalities happened at the Universtiy Building, which also houses the HUGE Health Sciences Library. Met a few people, exchanged numbers, and then had Lunch at the FOOD COURT right opposite. Not bad for a tiny town in Karnataka, eh?

After which, we walked around. Saw hostel (which is REALLY BAD compared to the other buildings around). Atleast we have attached bathrooms, with hot water facilities and all... That makes EVERYTHING seem better. I remember MGD's common baths/toilets. UGH. That was BAD.

Saw other random areas of campus, such as Swimming Pool, Manipal Greens and Some Random Field. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough time to visit the fabled beaches. I'll probably end up going there enough times in the next 5.5 years anyway, RIGHT?

We left at night, taking an overnight Volvo to Bangalore, which was not as uncomfortable (in terms of seating ONLY) as I thought it would be. Ofcourse, I wasn't able to sleep at all, because the driver INSISTED on maintaining the temperature inside at 16 degrees!! Which is bad enough, without taking into account the fact that it was raining outside, which made the 16 degrees seem more like 6.

After approximately 10 minutes, I discovered I had made a BIG mistake opting for an AC Bus. 10 minutes after that, the only thing I cared about was surviving the night. My extremities froze up (literally). I couldnt feel my fingers, toes, and for that matter any part of my legs below my knees. That I could move my limbs seemed like no small miracle.

I remember looking jealously at fellow passengers who came better prepared, with blankets(!) and woolen caps.

Hell for me: Sitting in a bus whose AC is out of control, freezing up while other people snore contently, INSIDE their warm blankets.




Manipal seemed like an OK place, though.

AND... I'll have a laptop! YAY

Orientation is on Aug 1.