Its amazing what you can get used to with time...
living away from home, for so long, that today im actually happy that exactly 3 months from now, i'll be home.
3 MONTHS
thats really really long.
and i congratulate myself for getting through the time when it was 6 months. I'm halfway through!!
Im going home in the middle though, next week, for a week. Lots of loose ends to tie up before i leave. Some Edboard work, a third sessional physiology practical, lots of studying (what are weekends for anyway?)
Today my classmate and i went and interviewed shetty for the magazine. it was fun, because we had a lot of really candid questions about him (his love life on campus, his huge female fan base etc) and he gave us equally candid answers. what a good sport! Editor was pleased that it went well. So i'm happy.
yes, im happy again (thank god, last night i was dying)
y was here for revels on thu and fri,
i ended up doing smtn really stupid, got him very pissed off, just around the time he was gonna board the bus back to nls.
luckily we kinda sorted things out before he left. i feel like such an idiot now.
but it was good
seeing him twice two weeks in a row.
now i'll see him in june. for ten days.
long distance is hard. but we're getting better at it.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Saturday, March 10, 2007
euphoria
so he came. and then left.
but we had an amazing time in between.
two whole days, and a night. enough time to fulfill all fantasies. fantasies of falling asleep together, waking up next to each other, getting drunk around each other...
we spent a lot of time talking. thats what we did more than anything else. that night, when i was high on vodka, was the best time i've had in almost a year. i remember some of it, and more than anything we talked about or did, i remember how i felt very vividly.
i felt free; liberated and secure at the same time. Like how you would feel walking a tightrope when you know there's a safety net beneath you. And i was happy. The absolute kind of happiness, when you know you're loved unconditionally, when you know that everything you're saying is being completely understood. It felt like coming home again. Like this long intense period of homesickness had finally ended, and finally i was back where i belonged. Perfection.
you're my home now. i cant imagine what life would be without your constant presence. these moments snatched out of time remind me of who i am and who we are together. and i realise even more how much you're worth to me. i love you.
but we had an amazing time in between.
two whole days, and a night. enough time to fulfill all fantasies. fantasies of falling asleep together, waking up next to each other, getting drunk around each other...
we spent a lot of time talking. thats what we did more than anything else. that night, when i was high on vodka, was the best time i've had in almost a year. i remember some of it, and more than anything we talked about or did, i remember how i felt very vividly.
i felt free; liberated and secure at the same time. Like how you would feel walking a tightrope when you know there's a safety net beneath you. And i was happy. The absolute kind of happiness, when you know you're loved unconditionally, when you know that everything you're saying is being completely understood. It felt like coming home again. Like this long intense period of homesickness had finally ended, and finally i was back where i belonged. Perfection.
you're my home now. i cant imagine what life would be without your constant presence. these moments snatched out of time remind me of who i am and who we are together. and i realise even more how much you're worth to me. i love you.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
nicotine
was depressed all of saturday for stupid reasons:
a. too much to do in very little time
b. see above
c. see above
even the fact that y would be here in less than a week wasnt enough to cheer me up. (yeah, he's coming on the 8th of march)
i felt really bad abt backing out of the dance but i simply didnt have time, and i couldnt quite quit the other stuff im obligated to do during verve.
Immediately after quitting though i felt really nice and empty and happy.
yay
coming to the fun part
SATURDAY
was a holiday (holi, dint play coz was depressed)
by virtue of my depression, ended up at sky lounge with 4 guys and 2Tas chaperone. we were randomly standing around when i announced that i wanted alcohol, so he made a phone call and we went.
got whiskey (with sprite!? not that i knew it was weird at the time, i was told later by R)
went on to have a nice longish conversation with the guy(R) online, which ended with a plan to meet the next day for the explicit purpose of teaching me how to smoke.
SUNDAY
went to dt around 7
with RandR(i simply love these guys. im so glad they're at manipal with me, i should really use them more often)
drank some, and then R whipped out a pack of wills classic milds and asked if i wanna smoke. and i was like... uhm...
and the other R was like she's not saying no, that means yes
so he lit it and then showed me what to do. i almost chickened out (just like the other time in class 10 with y)
he kept waving it around my face asking if i wanted to.
so i finally took it from him (after asking him to demonstrate again). i was really scared of ending up in a coughing fit at dt...coz by then it was really crowded. and the waiter guys were hovering about (but not really paying attention).
what was i thinking? all those cheesy tv commercials/sitcoms/movies about how the first step is the end of you kept running through my head. the same images that went through my head the last time i backed out.
my fingers were trembling when i took it from him.. and i held it for a long time before actually putting it in my mouth and taking a drag. it dint make me cough, though the smoky texture at the back of my throat wasnt too pleasant.
it took a few tries for me to get it right. the whole inhaling twice into lungs maneuver. but it hit me fucking hard. after 3 proper drags, i was extremely lightheaded and the room was almost spinning. it was way better than anything i ever got out of alcohol. but it faded really fast.
both of them were constantly giving me feedback... what i was doing wrong etc. me and R shared the first two, (he was like, im surprised you arent wetting it) and i was taught how to light the third one, and had it all by myself.
also had alcohol.. bacardi with coke. that and then the AWESOME music they play at dt...really gets you high. i was pretty loosened up and we started talking more....
it was the most fun evening ever, im still kinda high. when we left, R gave me what remained the pack. apparently the guy's taught four to five other women to do it. i was quite unsteady on my feet when we got up (thank god i wasnt wearing heels). but i was able to walk straight, its just that my knees felt a little weak.
and it was fun to share the whole experience... telling them exactly what it felt like, and then being told about how they felt. and being coached on how to do it right, how to hold it, how to flick ash off it, how to light one etc. haha i distinctly remember being told by R not to blow smoke into his face.
and we ended up talking more than usual. more laid back and open. that was almost the best part.
wow. finally got to do this. now i feel justifiably almost twenty. ok that makes no sense. y, i wish you hadnt refused to show me... i could have shared this with you instead of them...
seriously it was awesome while it lasted. no i dont plan on doing it often. will make the pack last long, and wont buy anymore.
ofcourse, R did say smtn about teach me how to "taxi" the next time we met.. hehe
oh man... i love these guys so much. they're a part of VVS right here. *hugs both*
a. too much to do in very little time
b. see above
c. see above
even the fact that y would be here in less than a week wasnt enough to cheer me up. (yeah, he's coming on the 8th of march)
i felt really bad abt backing out of the dance but i simply didnt have time, and i couldnt quite quit the other stuff im obligated to do during verve.
Immediately after quitting though i felt really nice and empty and happy.
yay
coming to the fun part
SATURDAY
was a holiday (holi, dint play coz was depressed)
by virtue of my depression, ended up at sky lounge with 4 guys and 2Tas chaperone. we were randomly standing around when i announced that i wanted alcohol, so he made a phone call and we went.
got whiskey (with sprite!? not that i knew it was weird at the time, i was told later by R)
went on to have a nice longish conversation with the guy(R) online, which ended with a plan to meet the next day for the explicit purpose of teaching me how to smoke.
SUNDAY
went to dt around 7
with RandR(i simply love these guys. im so glad they're at manipal with me, i should really use them more often)
drank some, and then R whipped out a pack of wills classic milds and asked if i wanna smoke. and i was like... uhm...
and the other R was like she's not saying no, that means yes
so he lit it and then showed me what to do. i almost chickened out (just like the other time in class 10 with y)
he kept waving it around my face asking if i wanted to.
so i finally took it from him (after asking him to demonstrate again). i was really scared of ending up in a coughing fit at dt...coz by then it was really crowded. and the waiter guys were hovering about (but not really paying attention).
what was i thinking? all those cheesy tv commercials/sitcoms/movies about how the first step is the end of you kept running through my head. the same images that went through my head the last time i backed out.
my fingers were trembling when i took it from him.. and i held it for a long time before actually putting it in my mouth and taking a drag. it dint make me cough, though the smoky texture at the back of my throat wasnt too pleasant.
it took a few tries for me to get it right. the whole inhaling twice into lungs maneuver. but it hit me fucking hard. after 3 proper drags, i was extremely lightheaded and the room was almost spinning. it was way better than anything i ever got out of alcohol. but it faded really fast.
both of them were constantly giving me feedback... what i was doing wrong etc. me and R shared the first two, (he was like, im surprised you arent wetting it) and i was taught how to light the third one, and had it all by myself.
also had alcohol.. bacardi with coke. that and then the AWESOME music they play at dt...really gets you high. i was pretty loosened up and we started talking more....
it was the most fun evening ever, im still kinda high. when we left, R gave me what remained the pack. apparently the guy's taught four to five other women to do it. i was quite unsteady on my feet when we got up (thank god i wasnt wearing heels). but i was able to walk straight, its just that my knees felt a little weak.
and it was fun to share the whole experience... telling them exactly what it felt like, and then being told about how they felt. and being coached on how to do it right, how to hold it, how to flick ash off it, how to light one etc. haha i distinctly remember being told by R not to blow smoke into his face.
and we ended up talking more than usual. more laid back and open. that was almost the best part.
wow. finally got to do this. now i feel justifiably almost twenty. ok that makes no sense. y, i wish you hadnt refused to show me... i could have shared this with you instead of them...
seriously it was awesome while it lasted. no i dont plan on doing it often. will make the pack last long, and wont buy anymore.
ofcourse, R did say smtn about teach me how to "taxi" the next time we met.. hehe
oh man... i love these guys so much. they're a part of VVS right here. *hugs both*
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