sunday morning jango

I'm listening to my Sunday Morning playlist (mostly Train and Maroon 5, both for the nostalgic happiness they inspire) on http://www.jango.com/ (which is a brilliant site) and sitting around tidying things up here and there. changing bedsheets folding clothes fresh from the laundromat, that sort of thing.

My textbooks are lying in a pile on my desk, along with a tangled mesh of wires and lots of stationery strewn around. This needs some tidying too i guess. what are sundays for?

I should take a shower, get into some clean clothes and make it to the lib sometime soon, if i dont go now, i prob wont make it there until much later in the evening, once SV gets back from his Surathkal expedition.

But its just so relaxing to hang out here all by myself. i resent company in these moments. no lights on, just the sunlight from my window filling the room with splashes of brightness. messy though it is, i love my room. i love coming back here at the end of the day, to turn on my laptop and read my webcomics, or watch a movie or check out facebook. or even better, read a book with only the table lamp on. the sad part being that i'm done reading everything i had :(

maybe i should make a list of all the books ive read. wow. what a long list that would be.

i guess its good in a way, now i shall TRY to focus more on Bailey and Love at night, instead of Margaret Atwood or Janet Fitch.

9 th sem is still moving at its own pace, steamrolling everything in its way. last few months left.. crucial months that will determine the rest of our lives. and even though i hate it, im learning that it makes more sense to try and catch up with 9th sem instead of watching it roll away from me so fast. we're gonna ride it out till the end of the wave. (is that correct surfing terminology?)

things are happening way too fast for me to register that they're happening... and im not struck by any sense of nostalgia for manipal. in fact im glad that MOST my batch will leave after exams. only a small bunch will stay on for internship here. and im actually quite glad to be rid of them all. too much history, too many bad memories. id rather be alone.

exams in 2 months. closer everyday. prep is not up to the mark. its like.. haha.. India and the CWG. all the time's been destroyed by THIS: meaningless blogging and drinking nights and too much sleeping. except that i wont survive without atleast 2 of the 3 things i mentioned.

time to snap out of this lazy sunday morning reverie and get to work. something productive. so that maybe i can chill later at night. if i feel like ive done enough.

On: A Vacation, and how it doesnt depend on anything but your mood, and how I'm not going to let anything ruin mine

A Vacation:
Short trip to Palolem, we leave in 2 days, six of us (very tolerant, non judgemental and broad minded people) travelling via the Matsyagandha at 230 pm, getting there by 7pm and chilling thereafter.
Chilling:
1. Will reduce (or actually, ELEVATE) myself to state of extreme hippie-ness. so, bye bye hair brush and shoes, hello harem pants and peasant tops and barefoot walking and anklets and beads and untied hair and a general attitude of not caring what people think. ah, my soul is laughing already.

2. Will always have alcohol in a glass attached to my hand. if not my hand, then nearest flat topped stable suface. port wine and beer. slow drinking, leading to a slow sustained buzz all morning, afternoon and night. heeeee!

3. a pack of ciggies ready and waiting for the perfect moment to be lit by one of us and then passed around in a moment of communal spirituality. sigh. beautiful moments.

4. food. good goa-type hippie comfort food. pancakes and ginger tea and porridge. but mostly pancakes for me.

5. will forget completely the existance of the following:

• Manipal (where is it? some north east state right?)
• Med students (uh im just an ignorant hippie who wouldnt know what to do if someone had a heart attack right next to me)
• Exams (Im only testing myself on the ability to drink, smoke and eat in perfect balance to create the most ideal state of being)
• Parents (so that i dont feel too guilty about the eating drinking and smoking)

6. The appropriate use of herbs (?) maybe, maybe not

7. will lose track of time. the number of hours (days?) idled away are not to be counted and begrudged. i will unwind. slowly. till im hypotonic.

8. massage opportunities. enough said.

9. candlelight after sunset. waves. the sound of waves at night. the sunset. the sand. will sit around soaking up the energy.

Very little of how enjoyable the vacation will be depends upon the weather, who cares if its raining. as long as im sitting on the floor in harem pants with alcohol and friends around me, im good :)

really looking forward to this trip (for obvious reasons: im too close to suicide)

apart from that, im presenting pre eclampsia tomorrow and i have to work on that, which sucks, because all i feel like doing right now is...looking for my torch and checking for new batteries and charging my camera and my ipod and packing clothes and...

Paeds ward

SV asked me to check on this patient while i was at Paeds today. She's a 12 year old girl who was brought to casualty by her parents because she'd been hyperventilating for the last 3-4 hours. The doctors on duty clearly figured she was ill enough to be admitted.
Her case-sheet history revealed (i didnt actually speak to her, she was asleep and it wasnt worth waking her up) that she stands first in class usually, and she had a mathematics exam coming up that was causing her anxiety.

how terrible to have that kind of fear at age 12. gah. what is the world coming to. more and more kids are feeling this kind of pressure to perform, and i honestly cannot blame them for not being able to cope with it.

SV wanted me to look at the case because she reminded him of me(!) but i guess not knowing bronchial breathing sounds in final year is a tad bit worse than not knowing some math theorem in class 7.

also at shenoys something really weird happened to me, my eyes started tearing up but i couldnt stop laughing. like. proper hysteria. thats never happened to me before. i was crying and at the same time, i couldnt stop laughing.

trip planned next week to Palolem, South Goa. staying at this place called Om Sai Guest House which has great reviews on the internet. Palolem as such seems to be a rather offbeat place to visit, it seems different from GOA goa. the 6 of us leave by the matsyagandha (ah, that train feels like home) on thursday afternoon.

:D

more later.