Handover...

...was simply lovely!
Im glad everyone on my committee showed up :) we were twenty five really beautiful people. I wore this black raw silk phulkari thing that mom designed long ago, with heels and my crimson jewels (read below). Hair was up with a knot pin thats also gorgeous, it looks like a snake with a corkscrew body. Sexy.

When my turn came, and they called me up to speak, people HOOTED. they cheered for me :) and it wasnt just EdBoard. That felt good, cos i was so NOT expecting it. I stood up, turned back and smiled at them, before walking to the stage and taking my place. Speech was well received (or so i heard, later on during dinner. They said i spoke naturally, and confidently, and that it dint sound rehearsed. Thats cos the speech was NOT rehearsed hehe. i finalised it 20 minutes before the start of the function, after my DramaQueen wrote me a rough draft.)

Well, on stage they had up one of those flimsy glass podiums up, (i HATE those, because you cant hide behind them, and if u fidget with your body, the whole world can see it)
So i walked up, waited for the rest of the cheering to stop (i was nervous as hell, but also on top of the world!) and started talking. It was quite a blur for me (my knees just WOULDN'T stop trembling), but i think im getting better at speaking in public, as long as its not competitive. I keep thinking of that time i had to present some community medicine seminar thing in third semester, and how surprised i was at the end of it cos people wouldnt stop telling me how good it was.

Sorry, but this is going to be a truly self obsessive, self worshipping type narcissistic post.

By the end of the night, we'd taken lots of pictures and hugged a million ppl. Ex ed-in-chief was really sweet to me, i guess she thinks i can do without the extra nastiness cos i have enough coming my way.

I'm happy, but also missing a lot of people
In order:

Mom and Dad, i wish you could see me like this. I look like the successful, beautiful, popular and capable daughter you always wanted.

Y, my happiness is incomplete without you. I'd like to hear you say once more how you're proud of me, and how i AM cool no matter what i think. i would have liked you to see me on stage like that, talking to my peers with confidence, knowing deep inside me that i AM the best one for this job.

N, i wish you were here, simply because you've ALWAYS been present at these events, and this time it just dint feel right that you weren't there. And because you're the only one who'd listen to me talk about it for hours and meticulously analyse every second of the night. And you wouldnt laugh at me afterwards if i told you i wanna go dancing because i'm feeling so good. You'd just take me, and we'd salsa to hip hop numbers.

M, because BOY you should have seen me tonight, cos it would have knocked your socks off, and you'd see that they WERE right to pick me, and that i CAN handle it AS well, if not better, than you did. (Im hoping I havent spoken too soon!)

barter

N left last night. I helped him walk his suitcase to the auto stand, and then we hugged and he left. I inherited a bunch of things from his collection of paraphernalia:

One cane chair, with cushioning and long arms. its insanely comfortable, and the long arms support a wooden board (also included) which can be used to study on. Ah, bliss. However, its taking up half the walking space in my room.

One well thumbed paperback copy of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Yippee!)

One 750ml bottle of Bacardi white rum. (! yes i KNOW)! it was gifted to him, but then he never got around to drinking it.. And he couldn't take it along with him on a bus to Bangalore. :D

One old shirt of his that i'd told him long back i wanted and he remembered to give it to me

All this in return for:
2 caps dextropropoxyphene (hehe)
Allowing him to borrow my Guyton (Physiology), Baweja (Microbiology), Arora (Parasitology), Chaurasia (Anatomy) and my Textbook of Forensic Medicine.

Its awesomely convenient for me, cos once he's done with them, he'll drop them off at my house, so i'll be saved the trouble of lugging these heavy books back home from Mpl.

Question:
what to do with SO much alcohol? A big bottle in my room.
Share it, yes. But who with? ( I dont wanna end up taking a couple of shots alone every night in my room, even though that would be fun too)

high
im so high
im missing u so much. you take two forms in my lie. you are the water and the smoke, the smoothtalker and brutually honest. moving in mysterious ways that i understand only too well. if you were around i'd complete your sentences and walk in your rhythm, but you're so weird, you decided to give up on it when it was at its zenith. god only knows why. you're decisions must be fine for right now. for tonight. but when you're sixty, you'll think like Yeats, and remember the good times when you are old and grey and full of sleep. remember that one girl loved the pilgrim soul in you; and the beauty of your changing faces, untill she died and joined the stars in the sky. i think i paraphrased that pretty accuarately.
yes, this is for you. YOU . the one who's reading. you never have the guts to leave your name or your intentions behind, lest i find out, huh? but its not like i dont know it already, dont forget, i know my psychology. i know what you're thinking.
fuck you, and i hope you're fucking happy right now. while u still can be. before you realise u made the biggest mistake of your life. perhaps we'll be able to talk then, i'd liketo help you out.

haha
yeah, you. its more than you imagine it is.

Kite

N's back! only for a few days though, to collect stuff and complete formalities. He's a DOCTOR now. WHOA. I met him when he was where i am. i was just a 2nd sem girl then, new to the whole lecture-practical-lunch-lecture-dissection routine... and he was a 6th sem happy go lucky insanely talented and quite jobless dude.

now i'm in 6th sem (not really happy go lucky, somewhat talented, and NOT jobless at all) and he's leaving. left.

The wheel has turned.

we're gonna spend the weekend together, just like old times. one last time etc. Before he left, we did all sorts of new things:

we went to the Great Bombay Circus at Karavali junction, Udupi. yes, im not kidding. the last time i went to the circus, i was 6 i think. going as an adult is a whole different experience. still magical but somewhat tarnished. the animals looked healthy, so that made me happy. the performers were HOT. they apparently attended the Tashkent Circus College. did you know there was such a thing? a Circus college?

we also went to Scoobydo and played Justice League (PS2) for SEVEN HOURS STRAIGHT. Two days before his surgery clinical exam (yes, he's insanely talented). i'm not really a video game fan, haven't given it much of a shot actually, but that day was a LOT of fun. i discovered a hidden talent to shoot down bad guys. and now my fav JL character is ZATANA. Our thumbs were sore for a long time after.

Its good to see him again, just like always. Still seems like the old days when we were both struggling with Medicine and OBG. Now its just me struggling...

And tonight! is SAT night! aka PARTY time! (i'm hoping the clubs are open again after that ram sene fiasco) Time to drink the mind away. With N around, its gonna be even better. Bittersweet, actually. Our last time together in manipal, the end of a good run.

Cheers to us :)

Blogger Badges!

Crowscious, fellow med-student-blogger has deemed me worthy of these Blogger Badges :D
Yay! Thank you for making my day! i'd like to think i'm widely and popularly read, even though i know thats not true :P

please check out her blog if you haven't already. Its funny and she has interesting things to say.

EdBoard Meeting went well :) I'm happy and satisfied. all 25 of them turned up, and we broke the ice relatively quickly. they seem to be a talented, interested and interesting bunch. lots of new cool ideas were thrown about (yay!). We might have an XKCD style cartoon strip this year (cos its SO easy to conceptualise and draw), centred around life in KMC. you know: lectures, clinics, exams, events, that sort of thing expressed in a very humourous manner. i LOVE medical jokes. i think most docs do hehe.

I've given up on studying.

All i do is pay attention during clinics. which is Plastic Surgery right now. I've had some interesting (weird) experiences with this Department, but thats material for another post.

Risingson :D

Just back from dance practice at the Greens..
Tired, but high on endorphins! So much better than those blue capsules...
The human body is SO awesome, I still haven't gotten over it.

Anyway, the point is: Just back from dance prac!
We still hadn't decided the music for our opening sequence with torches... and today i made them all listen to Risingson by Massive Attack. (Ever since I heard the song, I've wanted to dance to it on stage) And they LOVED IT!!

So YIPPEE, one of my tiny dreams is already coming true... (dance with me, everyone!) (and go listen to the song, if you haven't already heard it!)

And also
FIRST EdBoard meeting tmrw. I'm excited to meet everyone and get to know em... We plan to get a LOT of work finished by the end of the meet, in terms of decision making that will affect us the entire year.
I'm also really nervous. Will I freeze up and forget what i was saying in the middle of a sentence? that would NOT be good (and, haha, its already happened to me recently). And also, I dont wanna come across like this bossy, dominating person (i admit, i AM like that frequently) but its definitely not first meeting material. I'm just hoping to get the whole lot really excited about our work this year... Make them make the mag theirs.

Cant wait for Handover on the 25th. Went ear ring shopping with my baby, and she made me buy these gorgeous crimson JEWELS... Dark, Blood Red. Am i talking like a vampire again?

I'm losing my mind.
I'm close to concluding that I'm bipolar, considering that this morning i was crying my eyes out alone. Or maybe its just the Dance-Endorphins...

oh well. high highs and low lows.

see you the next time i'm low/high.

@ Y and SM

My apologies to both of you. I dint mean to hurt anyone. It was just a rant, there's no need to read too much into it... Honestly, I had no idea you were still reading this blog. Even after i moved it from Fivepointfiveyears to Koilonychia. Which begs the question: Why are you still reading? On second thought, please dont answer that. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.

@Crowscious

You live close, right? Yes, yes, the idea of meeting and getting wasted together appeals to me. A lot. Are you on gtalk?

"Breathe (2 AM)"

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

Anna Nalick


the most beautiful song ever.
its so nice to have someone prompt you to breathe.. feels like a relief that someone's there looking out for you.

in other news
everyone i know is leaving my world
it seems to be a year of goodbyes. sigh.

basically im all alone in manipal. again. its like starting from scratch.

nicky's going away for good tonight. im never gonna find anyone like him ever again. but then ive lost other ppl who i wont find again. which is tragic. i dont know what point im trying to make.

HOD anat is now engaged to be married. she's leaving this may, so that leaves me with zero faculty support. she was my (almost) mentor. her story made me believe in love again. i had this warm fuzzy romantic feeling all day yesterday.. now i feel like there's hope for me and that i will end up happy and in love. of course what kinda ruins the whole story is that she's engaged to her first-year-of-college-boyfriend.. so its like they held out for each other.. for 20 years.. until they could be together again..

SV is my baby, she deserves the best, and she's keeping me very very busy. i dont know how tired i am until i get into bed at the end of the day. there's also dance practice for verve, which is tiring because its an AWESOMEly sexy acrobatic type performance.

also looking forward to end of feb: HANDOVER>> i get to make a speech and be fussed over by everyone as i officially take over the responsibility of SV.
might also be able to make it to wedding in bang, maybe early march? i need the break!

things are good as long as i dont have to think