Rain

its raining again!
it poured down on us while we were standing around the pool watching our guys play water polo.

all day i've been missing him. actually since yesterday.. but last night i had DramaQueen for company so it wasnt that bad. I cant believe that this is still happening to me, that i still feel this way.

The rain just makes it worse.

I miss him so much, he's in all the songs i listen to and all the jokes i make that no one else gets. I missed utsav dance audition today cos i simply dint feel up to doing anything. and it was my last chance to perform, cos next year our batch wont be allowed to... and i KNOW im gonna regret this forever, on Utsav day ill be looking up at the stage thinking I COULD HAVE BEEN THERE! and i'm gonna beat myself up for the next 3 months. atleast. WHY? WHY dint i go? i had a very good reason a few hours ago. i just dint feel up to it. sigh.
i needed to talk to someone, to convince me.. tell me that i AM good enough and that i SHOULD give it a shot. Someone to show some support, some faith, in me. and there's no one to do that for me anymore. i just dint feel up to it.

went to this random water polo shit instead, to try and learn stuff. Damnit.

i still dream about him. its amazing, medically speaking.. or psychologically speaking. i never thought it would be like this. my subconscious taking over this way, memories resurfacing every night, emotions welling up inside me till i dont know what to do with them! you never realise exactly how much a person means to you till u lose them. i dont think about him in the day, but at night i cant stop these dreams.
its the depth of the connection, i guess. its not easy to turn 5 years to nothing. the depth, there's no end to it.

i've realised that now all i want in my life is to keep my parents happy and proud. nothing. else. matters. i have no dreams of my own anymore.

is that ok?

Dance Vid

omg the video is out!

its a bad video but i havent been able to stop playing it! narcissism :P

its some classmate's camera and its not very good, as in, its impossible to make out who the people are unless you know what you're looking for... its as good as an anonymous vid.

waiting for the professional one to be released.. the one that AV dept does.. cant wait to see that one..

judging by this one though, there's no doubt why we won the first place. choreography and conceptualisation were both awesome, except for the torch sequence (dunno what went wrong there).

watch it if you're vela

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEBTxBBVmu4

PS: the high pitched shaky voice that comes on in the beginning is mine! i was very very nervous, i usually sound much more pleasant on a microphone :D

update

John Rzeznik... sigh
He's the lead singer of Goo Goo Dolls and i simply can't get his voice out of my mind...
Try listening to songs like (and i'm not even gonna refer to Iris, or Here is gone) Without you here, Its over, Slide, Black Balloon :) WITHOUT YOU HERE is so beautiful... vague, like u2, but with awesome chords, the kind that can make you cry.

I discovered that too much alcohol gives me fever (went out two nights back). Should lay off it a bit. My liver needs its space haha.. I STILL have half a litre of Bacardi in my cupboard, damn!

Clinics are chilled out. enjoying my last few days of Paed Surgery. On mon I start Ophtho which is really gruelling, it also heralds the start of END POSTING SEASON.

Oh by the way, we won first place for our awesome dance! yay!

Utsav meetings every other day and water polo (?) practices are keeping me busy and exhausted. Yes, water polo. Since im one of the very few girls who swim at kmc, im on the team by default! haha finally a sport i can play! i dont know the rules yet though... will try and fix that asap

more later

Its been a busy time.

Verve reporting is going awesomely, my baby girls and boys are really sweet and willing, even though they may not be the best at what they do.

Mascot's up: Cute, ain't she?

Just your regular cute KMC girl hehe. I'm in love with her, and I have people working exclusively on her personality and her speech bubbles and thought bubbles etc. I'm so glad we developed this anime concept!

I'm loving my job SO much, I've forgotten what it was like to be a normal student. in fact, i've forgotten all about ENT and Ophtho and ComMed and also, Med and Surgery and OBG. I'm not studying. AT ALL.

We missed pot pouri finals by 1 point (Arrghh!). But our lil two member team made the quiz finals (YAY!)

Dance jitters: we perform on sunday. I got my costume (well half of it actually) yesterday. this shiny silvery lil shirt with puffy short sleeves and a wide-ish neck, no collar.. oh SO cute. I wanna wear it with a tie around my neck, just for style.. (always wanted to wear a tie on stage, one of the sexiest things a girl can incorporate into her costume in my opinion). The other half of this outfit is black harem pants, which i gotta go out and buy. soon.

Hard core practice schedules are on. Torch sequence is coming out well. Its just so much fun and such an endorphin high when we get on stage even just to practice, im ADDICTED. (one of the more safer addictions i currently have) Cant wait for sunday night!

sim left this morning. but last night she converted all my mascot chicks to high definition 300 dpi graphics. its SO cool to have graphics designer as your best friend. Especially if you're making a magazine.

gotta run to afternoon lecture now. OBG.