red hair

i finally finally got red highlights....
and they look awesome

this was one of those things i wanted to get done while still in my teens.. . come on, how many 30 year olds do you know who can pull off red hair??

so im really really happy.

went shopping, bought a new shirts, light jackets, black slinky formal pants, nice shoes, some junk jewellery for girlfriends at college, underwear.

went to school, was heartily welcomed by teachers, and completely ignored by students. felt somewhat out of place. cant believe that just 2 years back, i used to wear the same uniform to class every morning with that huge smile plastered on my face. i was always so happy to be in school, you could see it all over my face when i got there. we used to stand in line before assembly, and everyone would have this 'its insane to be in school so early' look on their face and i'd be looking so grateful that the sun rose...

ok im not making sense

holidays going by way to fuking fast.

red hair, look out manju!!

why write when nobody's around to read?

tomorrow

The sun'll come out tomorrow,
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there’ll be sun
Just thinking about tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow till there’s none
When I'm stuck with a day that's gray and lonely
I just stick out my chin and grin and say...Oh!
The sun'l1 come out tomorrow,
So you got to hang on till tomorrow, came what may!
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow
You’re always a day away...
I just stick out my chin and grin and say
The sun'll come out tomorrow
So you got to hang on till tomorrow, came what may!
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow
You’re always a day away...
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow
You’re always a day away


LEAVING TOMORROW

brilliant

most ppl i know have already left or are leaving as i type. im hungry. but theres no one left to eat with. except sv and cd.
class is gonna be so empty tmrw morning,half our lectures have been cancelled anyway. i should have just decided to go home earlier. next time. but then class IS gonnna be fun. especially with sv and cd. they're both leaving sunday thankfully.

started packing... still got a bunch of things to figure out. cant believe im gonna see Y in less than 36 hours.

but i bet its gonna anticlimax.
wish i had more time to spend with him. a couple of hours every few months just isnt enough. when will he understand that??


in other news...
some couple got caught having sex (yes, SEX) in the boys toilet at the central library. WHOA. rooms are cheap in manipal. you got yourselves into unnecessary trouble.

should get offline and eat/pack

love u, its been forever since i saw you...

thursday

its THURSDAY

im leaving saturday woohooo!

pretty much free today. all i had was one lecture from 9 to 10, and then DH from 2 to 4. thats coz they've cancelled all biochem practicals and lectures until the holidays.

was planning to get the chicken pox shot, but then i got online and found srishti.

y's exams get over today! that means we finally get to talk.

there's an anat faculty vs I MBBS soccer match at 4pm. might go watch. who organises these things??

still havent figured out what to pack.

have successfully stopped studying completely.

landed up in c's room at 8am today, where we played NFSIISE for an hour before class (dont ask)(yes we DO have better games)

this is what i ate today:

1 sweet bun (you'd have to be in manipal to know what that is)
1 samosa
4 bananas (lunch)
1 cup of tea

thats it!!

i guess i should get something now.

people are starting to go home tmrw onwards. wow. the excitement is contagious. watching people pack, and leave with suitcases. fun fun. watching numbers dwindle in the lecture hall. im pretty sure that less than half the class will be present on saturday lectures. in fact i think narga nair is planning to integrate both sections friday onwards...

I NEED TO GET A CHICKEN POX SHOT BEFORE I LEAVE AND THERE IS NO TIME!!

scary shit

whew
just called kvpy to enquire abt results.
turns out they're waiting for some reply from icmr themselves...
thank god
i mean for a while i was seriously considering that no one made the grade.

yay
there is hope again...

wow that was scary.

its DECEMBER and stupid KVPY isnt out yet. i should just give up hope.

yay
5 odd days left to go home!

my weekend was nice

on saturday, attended this christmas carol event called 'cHrIStmas love endures" at biochem lecture hall 1.
it was good. organised almost entirely by the malaysian, chinese students (mostly from melaka manipal medical college). there was a choir, and a band, and the audience was encouraged to sing along, the lyrics being projected on a wall.
there was this one really nice song, where the guys and girls had different parts to sing at the same time, so it was like 2 sets of voices, one male one female singing at the same time. it sounded really good. it was fun being part of that.
and they served refreshments. coke, and paneer puffs and a slice of plum cake. nice.

sunday, slept ALL day because of wierd headache that wouldn't go away. (music hangover from the night before?? we went to edge after the carol thing, and i predictably ran into shelly)

evening, went to watch r etc perform for tapmi's rock competition. they were the first group on, out of a total of five. they were good. i mean, shraydeecan PLAY and r wasnt bad at the vocals. she sang zombie (the cranberries), i'm with you (avril lavigne), and some part of iris (goo goo dolls).
the guy vocalist was also good. i like his voice a lot.

anyway, so they didn't win, but i think they had fun. i had fun watching. i think it's the coolest and scariest thing r has done in a while. She was good up there, she just needed tighter clothes.

there was barely any crowd. which was a good thing. it was just a bunch of ppl sitting around these stairs watching other ppl jam. that was nice. kinda reminded me of school, how we used to sit around doing that when some event was coming up...

it was especially nice to have so many ppl i knew around me. there's something magical about sitting in open air, at night, with live music. its probably my most perfect definition of chilling. all you need are the right sort of people.

going home soon, decided to carry guyton with me, its a huge book, but i havent been studying here, so i will have to punish myself at home.

GOING HOME!!

THINGS TO DO IN DELHI

1. GO TO SCHOOL. once. twice. thrice(?)
2. Meet everyone
3. Eat at McDonalds
4. Eat home cooked food, lots of fried potato.
5. Shopping: clothes, shoes, jewellery, make up, books
6. Watch TV
7. Play with DANDY!!!
8. DRIVE
9. Go on long drives in car with parents and dog over weekend
10. Come back refreshed, eager to work, looking FORWARD to IInd sessionals.

Things to do before leaving here

1. Get return bus ticket, bangalore to manipal
2. Empty Suitcase of reserve toiletteries and put other empty bag into it
3. Sort out never worn clothes to take back home
4. Figure out what to wear on bus
5. Collect clothes from Dhobi
6. Give dirty clothes to Dhobi, allowing sufficient time for their return
7. Chicken Pox shot? Get prescription from some doctor in hostel
8. Pack

one week left!

december has begun!!
this time next week, im going to be busy packing to go home.
yippee!!

walked around wearing a red ribbon on my apron all of yesterday. most people didn't notice. Some did. out of those who noticed a considerable number knew it was World AIDS Day. I was impressed. In physio lab class, tutor asked what the hell it was. I was like its for world AIDS day, doesn't KH give these out? haha

Apart from that, i think i've KIND of found some sort of a niche in the classroom. finally have some people to laugh with and to pass comments with. on the down side, its really affecting my concentration. its bad enough that the vacation spirit is already in me. i haven't studied all of november, and even less the past 2 weeks.

just one week!

im so glad i have people to hang out with, there's no way this weekend would have passed otherwise. notice how the closer you get to going home, the longer the days seem to last, the last day never ends...

going to attend this little christmas carol meet at 6pm at the biochemistry block. i missed the one at the church because i didn't spot the flyer in time... Im really enthusiastic about these things, most people think im nuts...
Singing carols at christmastime is one of those regressive (right word?)experiences.. takes me back to when i was younger.

then afterwards, will PROBABLY have dinner with friends, after which we'll go dance at Edge.

Tomorrow, there's another trek down end point planned, dont know if i want to go. then there's an Anatomy Faculty vs I MBBS students cricket match at 1 pm. Might end up there if im REALLY bored. actually i SHOULD go... even though i dont care much for cricket, it'll be fun to watch the fight!!

then in the evening, going to ATHARVA, TAPMI's rock competition... Ramani plus friends are performing... and they're pretty good. Apart from what they've named themselves. they went from 'RACE TO THE START' to 'BROKEN WINDOW', and finally settled on 'EPSILON'which is slightly better than the other two.

then its going to be monday all over again...

Y is incredibly busy, his exams begin monday and the poor guy is really stressed out. I really should do everything he asks me to (not)do. But i get to see him next sunday, and im SO kicked about that.
i go on and on and on thinking about him, another reason mhy i dont concentrate in class... the only benefit im getting from going there is attendance...

MUST STUDY (yeah right)

dome(?)

went and saw dhoom 2 today. havent seen dhoom 1, dint recognize bipasha basu for a really long time, and therefore friends laughed at me.

whatever i dont have time for this shit

anyway we went to this little " ac video parlour" place (called DOME), which is a room with chairs and a projecter and a biggish screen and an ac which (luckily) barely works. the movie is played from dvds which are usually pirated.

the print wasn't good at all, nor was the sound (no dolby digital etc here), however,these things were nothing in comparison to how much the movie sucked.

i wish i had slept during the middle and watched the begining and end only. i would have spent my time better. the women were hot (much more than the men atleast) but the story, plot etc really sucked.

anyway
apart from that shit, i have manju for a practical tmrw and i havent read up shit. i am going to be publicly humiliated unless i do something...


ran into shelly a couple of days back (saturday night)at edge. yeah, we ended up there after watching casino royale at another parlour place (as bad as dome) and chilling at downtown (where i had vodka.... yum yum).

later

still sick with SAME cold.

sucks

cant wait to go home...


whats worrying me is: how will is tand to come back here again for SIX months without a break, having to face THREE sets of exams??

sick

head cold.
congested ears, cant hear properly. not to mention nose which is runny at all the wrong times (class, when people are watching) and blocked at other times (when i want to sleep and am forced to leave my mouth open in order to breathe, and i wake up with drool all over me... ugh)

i guess its good that i wake up before my room mate.

test tmrw.
anat

prospects of passing: very high
prospects of doing well: reasonably high

considering that i pay more attention than most in class, and also i HAVE been studying...

must go study

kvpy still not out.

bored

sitting in the stupid internet place in the lib, they charge ten ruppees an hour. I had ten mins of work online, but im paying for the entire hour, so why not use it?

we had an a surprise test in dh today.
by surprise i mean that we were specifically told that there wasn't going to be any test, however when we got there we were told that there WAS in fact a test.

Everyone objected. Then the teacher person relented and said, 'no, no, its not a test, just a DISCUSSION.'

A frikkin 2 on 1 discussion, 2 teachers on 1 student.

mine went off pretty well, he kept asking me questions, i kept answering before he finished asking the questions, and he asked the next question before i had finished answering the previous one. So it was a kind of interruption game.

at some point the other teacher was like 'you like giving tests, dont you?'
this is after she smiled at me and commented to the other teacher (loud enough for me to hear) about the expression on my face (?).

i started cracking up. but it was obvious that she meant it in a good sort of way.

im so bored. stupid firewall in this lab wont even let me sign into msn.

whats the point of wasting TIME as well as MONEY. I should just pay and leave.

contd

yeah, so as i was saying before i was rudely forced to stop when she wanted her laptop back, i found it in the bus.

whew!!

the bus i'd taken in the morning to class (there are three such buses, it was my luck that the one i had taken was parked right there outside class) was parked on the road outside class (did i just say that twice?)

So i casually asked the driver if he happened to find a wallet and he was like yeah i did. then i started breathing normally again. he gave it to me and began to apologize about opening it to know who i was so that he could return it to me. And i was like no problem, its ok, i dont care if you opened it.

really wanted to give him something, but offering an old man money is something i can never bring myself to do, so i just joined my hands and said thank you some five times before leaving.

haven't seen the same driver since, even though ive been making it a point to take the same bus to class, in order to give him the chocolate i carry in my bag everyday.

-------

got a test in a few days
plus com med project due monday
must study some physio

oh im going to watch this vela rock show tmrw. i think it involves the college bands of mit, wgsha and some other college.

and r etc want me to take them trekking down end point, and why the hell would i refuse?? i think we're doing that on sunday.

later.

Chicken Pox, and losing my wallet

im so much like a child it scares me

Yesterday a close female friend of mine discovered spots on her face, neck and hands. we hurried to emergency. the doc said it was chicken pox.

i've never had chicken pox. And i absolutely CANNOT afford to get it now. i would panic if i missed more than a day of class. missing seven? no way no way.

im hoping that the virus misses me through divine intervention.

Poor girl though. she having fun in any case, with a room to herself and a tv and stuff. but gimmie a long day of class any day.
-----

lost my wallet, sometime between eating (and paying) for breakfast at the bq canteen and wanting to eat something at ten after lectures.
ran around the whole place looking for it. asked cleaning staff, went all the way back to bq (we dont have it madam, you lost it its your problem). i was so freaked out i could cry. the wallet had ALL my stuff in it. my money(no money in my room), ATM cards, ID, everything.

eventually ended up finding it in the bus

lonely

i wish i had friends i could hang out with anytime of the day or night.

when you have a room all to yourself, theres no charm left to midnight feasts.

oh and i forgot to mention
the only time we have coed accomodation is at our month and a half long posting at karkala... theres only one hostel block for both sexes.

not that we'll have time to do much apart from deliver other people's babies.

Day 4

sucked

long drive there, long drive back.
stopped there for some ice cream.

Karkala hospital is nice too. i cant believe that in a few years, i'm going to be assisting a woman give birth, and tending to accident cases and other general stuff like fever and gastroenetritis and jaundice etc.

what a thrill

we were told the details abt the project today.
it has to be

on A4 size paper
handwritten (wtf??)
spiral bound

okay....

if i only knew what to write about...

Com Med Day 3, and much more

I'm getting sick of writing boring details about these field trips. I mean, I DO like them, but I still feel like the best part of the whole event is the BUS RIDE.

I miss those hour long daily bus sessions i had to live with at VVS. Even though I complained about them so much, whining about the headaches and the heat. Only now, when deprived of it, have i figured out how much motion soothes me. I have always always felt relaxed in a moving vehicle, maybe thats why i love driving... and going on long drives.

Anyway, so todays session began, again with Dr RPP. He went on about his Carry Away Messages for a while, then we all trooped into the two (AIRCONDITIONED, Manipal is obsessed with AC) buses. Went to Malpe, where we visited to the Maternity and Child Welfare Home, A PHC, and Aanganwadi. Met loads of little kids, I had with me toffees to distribute, which was enough to distract them from me.

NOTE TO SELF: Must learn Kannada.

Stayed for an hour or so, came back. In bus. Which got a tad bit unpleasant, especially when people started singing songs like "Deewana tera" and dedicating it to me and V.

Whatever.

To Karkala tomorrow. Longer bus drive. yippee.

Came to the lib to study. Instead, met R and her friends (who have an exam tomorrow, but are CHILLING. I wish i could be that cool before an exam). Hung out with them. Transferred Pirates of the Carribean game(1.6 GB) via flash drive onto R's laptop (NOTE TO SELF: take it from her later), played game. Ate at FC, embarassed this classsmate of mine who had a birthday treat on, but hadn't invited me.

Back to lib, and then got ONLINE. Discovered something pleasantly shocking in my mailbox.

I think i have a minor table test tmrw. Who cares.

Must start studying seriously.

Com Med Day 2

8 November 2006

DAY 2
This time, Dr RP Pai came to and spoke to us. We were to be going to Dr TMA Pai Hospital at Udupi.
Interestingly, the local people still refer to it as the ‘Law College Hospital’ as its located in what was once the Law College Building. Ofcourse, now it looks very different, they’ve expanded and renovated it.

He also told us a gruesome story about how he once had to deal with a burns patient, a 75 kg weight woman, whose synthetic sari caught fire while she was working in the kitchen. A ‘75 kg human kabab’ he called it. Said he would never forget the smell of burnt flesh, and everytime he sees a lady entering the kitchen wearing synthetic clothes, it brings back acute memories of the stench of burnt flesh. Point being(Carry Away Message being), clinical medicine is all about the sights, smells and sounds that you must be adept at recognizing. These are imprinted on your memory forever.

Then he said we’ll need to write a project report at the end of four days. GREAT. Just what I needed.

The bus ride to Udupi, lasted less than 20 minutes, but was lots of fun. We were randomly dancing and singing. Once there, same story…we were divided into batches. The hospital itself was one of the cleanest, whitest and brightest I have ever seen. Its more appealing than KH, with airy corridors, and huge windows. The OPD’s are cheerful, the wards have pretty blue curtains all around, even the ICU looked like a more hopeful place than the one at KH.

They don’t really do much charity work though. Each Dept can allot, at any given point of time, two free beds to needy patients. However, the cost of medicines and disposables must be borne by the patient.

We ended up meeting with the head of OBGYN Dept. She told us that now that we’ve chosen to be medical graduates, we better be good at it.
Also “Medicine is one profession where you don’t require much intelligence. All you need is Average or Below Average. The only requirement is that you have to be willing and able to SLOG, day after day, no weekends off, no partying, no slacking off. All your life”

WTF
a) WOW it does my self confidence a LOT of good, knowing that all I have is avg/BELOW avg intelligence
b) Could these people be a little LESS motivating??
c) I don’t want to be a doctor anymore
d) I want a life beyond hospital
e) I am NOT good at slogging
f) I have no choice now

Someone please help, show me how my life is NOT going to suck.

In other news....

... I scored a 99 on 140 in Physio.

Thats not bad, considering the highest in class is 107. I fucked up the prac viva, if I hadn't i would have scored atleast a 105 (which would have given me a distinction)

I'm genuinely happy I passed though. At the time, prospects seemed really bad.

Maybe there is a god.

Community Med Day 1

First day at Community Med Posting (Posting?? who are they kidding)

Horrible morning, woke up at 5:30 am with headache that refused to be placated even with Crocin. By the end of Physio class (Cardiac muscle contraction) the dull throbbing changed to head splitting.

The Chief Admin spoke to us for 38 minutes, boasting about KH. (Pvt hosp with 1500 beds...thats supposed to be a WOW figure for a private institution, 3000 patients entering OPD daily, ISO 9001:2000 blah blah, BORING.)

He also told us that we've made an irreversible decision by joining med school. Great. Just what I needed to hear. Apparantly now no other proffession will adopt us.

KH is apparantly famous for its Cardiology Dept. Its also an X ray film free hospital... All X rays are digitalised. I like that. Its good for the environment, and its also extremely efficient.

Anyway, after that we crossed the road opposite the biochem block and walked across to KH. (Field trip -- HAHA.)

Thus began our long walk (should i say trek? we walked upstairs, downstairs, uphill, downhill) through the hospital. We were divided into batches of 15 each, and an intern accompanied us to a couple of wards, radiology dept, icu (we weren't allowed in), OT(we weren't allowed in), students clinic (NOTE TO SELF: Get Medicare card made).

I saw more, much more at CMC Vellore and Apollo Hospital.

Here we were rushed along, weren't given a chance to ask questions.

Atleast we finished well before lunch break... giving us a chance to chill a little more before Dissection.

Life lesson

6 Nov 2006
Biochem class

Life Lesson for Doctors

"Be sensitive in every way possible about everything in life. Be sensitive. Insensitivity brings indifference and nothing is worse than indifference. Indifference makes that person dead before he dies. Indifference means there is a kind of apathy that sets in and you no longer appreciate beauty, friendship, goodness or anything. So, therefore, do not be insensitive. Be sensitive, only sensitive. Ofcourse it hurts. Sensitivity is painful. So what! Think of those that you have to be sensitive to. Their pain is greater than yours."

Elie Wiesel

Dr. Sudhakar, HOD biochem, (works with the Palliative Care Dept) tried to show us how cruel doctors can sometimes be, leaving terminally ill patients to discover death alone.

No one teaches students how to approach death in medical college, he said.

BOOKS TO READ

Complications by Atul Gawande
The Making of A Surgeon by William A Nolen (out of print)(someone get me a copy from an old bookstore in England)
What they don't teach you in medical college by some proff at Manipal

Speaking of books, there's a book fair on at Nehru Library, (no idea where that is), but SS(room mate) said she wants to go, and so i'll just go with her.

Desperately need some literature.

I booked my ticket back to Bangalore (going home for 3 weeks, vacations). V said he wanted to book and go with me, but hopefully he'll forget he ever said that. Or I'll tell him my uncle did it for me, and so i had no control over the process.

Trek

November 1, 2006

Woke up at five thirty this morning (IRONIC: woke up two hours earlier than usual, on a NON CLASS DAY) and proceeded to trek first, to end point, and then, lower. Went with V, P, Va and, ofcourse, M.(All male). (As of right now, M’s the hottest guy I know. He’s amazingly smart, funny and cool; but pays me no significant amounts of attention. That’s probably because V pays me TOO much attention, and they’re friends.)

(Oh yeah, it was V’s birthday… and he got ME chocolates, which he proceeded to present to me during the trek in front of the other two. I was so embarrassed for him…)

Our route led us first to the normal end point road, and at some point, (near the makeshift soccer field) we took a detour to the left, hence getting off the road and onto a stony path. This path led us to the dried up bed of a stream that went all the way down the hill. We started trekking down this. (Va led us, he’s been doing this ever since he got to manipal, wish I had known him earlier.) We kept going lower and lower, it wasn’t an easy trek, lots of jumping involved, but I was helped along. We stopped at some point, and went all the way back up again because the undergrowth was getting to thick, and the spiders too numerous (this last wasn’t something I had a problem with).

Sights seen and enjoyed: We saw the hospital incinerators (all dead bodies, surgical waste…you know….bloody gauze, cotton etc is burnt here). Also saw water recycling plant from very high up, looked to us more like a giant swimming pool. While trudging down the streambed, also came across 5 used condoms. (V, pointing at all the sharp rock and lack of space: People do it HERE?) No, you idiot, they just threw the condoms into the damn stream!!

Back onto the main end point road. This time went straight to end point. Then the real fun began. We trekked ALL the way down. It was awesome, I’d been dying to do something like this since my last camp at school. We went all the way down to the little road that runs by the river. The sun had just risen, the birds were chirping, and the water was shining silver and gold.

We crossed the temple, then climbed down the stairs cut into rock till we were at the river. Here V was pushed into the water by the other guys, I found myself looking on enviously. I wanted to swim…

Va randomly shouted “BOSS!!”, in response to which a cottage door opened and the man who got out then got into his boat (a narrow elongated thing, a fishing boat) and started rowing towards us. He took us for a nice long boat ride, during the course of which I convinced everyone to get into the water. So we jumped in (off the boat) one after another. It wasn’t very deep, and the water was quite clean and sweet. We swam around, laughing, the guys still picking on V. He can’t swim, I tried to teach him how to float on his back. That’s the best way to enjoy this… just lie back and stare at the blue blue sky with the eagles soaring around, palm trees swaying, listening to the sound of the water in your ears. But after a while I realized that he was a very bad learner and gave up on him.
After which we all took turns rowing the boat. It was fun.. Kinda like kayaking that we did at Saat Taal, REALLY long back, except the boat was bigger and heavier, and the oar had a paddle on only one side. But it was cool.

We were drenched, and we just dried off lazing on the boat in the sun. It was so much fun. I was struck with nostalgia. I miss camp. But this was pretty much as close to it as possible. I wish I could take Y there with me… wish he had come to meet me. I mean I was chilling with 4 guys I barely know, and it was so much fun. If Y was around instead, and if neither one of us were cranky, then it would’ve been MUCH more fun.

After drying off, we began the steep climb back up, during which I had to stop and rest some 5 times. I was fucking tired. We scrambled up, slipping and sliding (wet shoes, loose rocks). Started the long walk back to campus, got there by ten, in time for breakfast.

Wow. I’m glad I have a good sense of direction, I can never forget the way there, which is a good thing cause I can go there anytime I want now!!

Plus I threatened the guys that if they didn’t take me with them the next time they went, I’d pretty much throttle one of them…

Wonder if RandR have done this? Probably have….

Today:

Tomorrow's a holiday, so i'm going out tonight with people i barely know and haven't talked to since we danced for Freshers together. But, dancing involves no conversational skills whatsoever so it doesn't really matter who you go with.

Apart from that, workload's increasing everyday..... Can't wait to go back home in December.

We've already getting tons of assignments plus a lot of reading work to do for class. We have BAD, MEAN profs this session, they walk into class, point randomly at some unsuspecting kid and start asking questions. And if you can't answer, they cut attendance.

Life is unfair. Luckily I wasn't picked on today, but i need to start reading Guyton in case I'm not as lucky next time.

We're dissecting the thorax. WHICH IS ULTRA COOL. We saw the heart and lungs today... I could barely keep my (gloved) hands off them. Its so fascinating. The Aorta is so fucking HUGE, you wouldn't believe it. And the lungs were BLACK, probably coz the guy smoked. Or some kinda infection.
This is sooo much more interesting than the arm and leg.

Should go do some work before partying.
Later

.....done!

i just realised that i should take all names OFF this blog or i am likely to get into SERIOUS trouble.

Celebrations after Sessionals

So this is what I did on Saturday:

1. Had lunch at Food Court with RandR. I'm so sick of FC now, been eating there everyday since before the exams began. Then went to this arbit juice place and sat around, telling funny stories about profs that me and R have in common.

2. Slept. Woke up. Washed hair.

3. Went out in the evening with friends to this party(TRYST) happening at Valley View. It was in Chaitya Hall (Everything apparantly happens there: we had orientation there, I took my oath there, we had our freshers' there).

Anyway the party wasn't great, just loud music (ah, heaven) and ridiculously overpriced alcohol (which kept me from drinking).
Went with R, ended up meeting LOTS of people from class there.

There was decent music playing, so I was going pretty much crazy dancing. I kept getting breathless after every 15 mins though (thats the effect stupid exams have on your stamina.... did i mention my jeans are now tight ?). But kept at it for some 3 hours or so.

i was told I dance well by a lot of people, and the compliments carried to the day after as well. Quite surprising really. Wonder what I was doing NOT dancing at VVS. Maybe because I had zero confidence then.

Lets not forget all the "guy attention" i got that day.... Either this speaks very highly of ME or very lowly of Manipal in general. Random guys kept introducing themselves to me (after complimenting the way I dance, ofcourse "you got nice moves, girl") saying "Hi I'm ________, so and so's friend"

And I was like "a)I cant hear you and b)do i LOOK like i want to get to know you??"
Except ofcourse, they couldn't hear what I was saying either, so I just left it at a demure "Thank You, you're not bad yourself"

I had so much fun. Felt so good to dance after SO long. Plus its nice to be centre of attention(attraction) ;)

4. walked to end point with a bunch of vela people on sunday evening. Got there just as the sun was setting. Found a path going all the way down, went all the way down, got there in the twilight. The place and time totally brought back memories of camp, and i almost cried, wishing Y was there with me.....

5. Class started today. back in the stupid rut.

Community Medicine Postings

We finally get to go to hospital!!

Starting Nov 7, some 40 of us get to attend a 4 day long hospital posting. We're going to get oriented to what the next 5 years have in store for us. I'm really excited about this whole programme.

We're going to visit primary, secondary and tertiary health care centres (I've yet to figure out what exactly primary, secondary and tertairy health care centres are). We're going to be going to Udupi, Karkala and Malpe, apart from apna Kasturba Hosp at Manipal, right down the road from where i live :)

AND, to top it all, its going to be a nice change from 2 hour practical work.

YAY FIELD TRIPS ARE SO EXCITING.

Sometimes I'm really happy I'm going to be a doctor, yet other times I'm so depressed about the workload and not being able to have a life outside of academics....

Wierd

SESSIONALS ARE OVER!!!!!

WOW
just two weeks but they seemed to last forever.

whew. finally over.

the first major set of vivas. in school, i never would have imagined that practicals could be more nerve wrecking than theory papers.

i think i'll pass though.
(which is saying a lot in med school)

Freshers'

26th September 2006

Freshers Day. They booked Chaitya Hall in Valley View. The event itself was amazing, all the performances were up to mark.

I wore this Yellow kurta that mom sent me from delhi (well, had a dress code, so all the girls wore yellow, and all the guys wore white.) Mine was especially pretty with rust embroidery along with a rust patiala salwar and a lovely striped dupatta. I bought long dressy dangling earrings from a shop in Valley View which I wore. And I did that amazing thing to my hair, so they were all curly and glossy and shining…looked amazing. I got so many compliments. Guys I barely know said I looked hot. A lot of people said 'is that really you? You look so different'. And I was like Yeah dude its me. Girls I know told me how nice I look, and how hot my hair was and how perfect the hair would look with the Lebanese dance.

Yeah, so our first dance really sucked. We all wore jeans and Tshirts, mine was white. And I was kinda in the front and I wasn’t really confident about the sequence of steps, so I messed up a little bit, but I had so much fun just dancing on stage!!
We danced to a medley of Wheres the party tonight from KANK, the powerless remix by nelly and hips don’t lie by shakira. Hips don’t lie was fun, cos the guys entered and we wore long skirts over our jeans and did some simple salsa steps with them. And the music was so awesome, plus this was the ONLY dance in which there were guys, so I think the crowd enjoyed it….moreover, we all looked like we were enjoying ourselves, and that’s what counts at the end of it all.

The plays were good. There was a Cinderella spoof thing done by F and gang which I was supposed to be in initially, but I backed out of due to lack of time… a decision I regret now. The other play was this incredibly funny take on an Indian marriage, with A and B and P(who played the funniest part, and did it really well).

Mr and Ms Freshie were Ashish and Ramya. In the talent round, Ashish did bhangra in a way better than I’ve seen most RI’s dance. Ramya did a lebanese plus salsa plus kajra re dance, which was hot. That chick is so hot. I was really really happy for her… I kinda knew all along she was gonna win.

They kept our Lebanese dance as finale for the event. We were all in costume…. Black shiny sequiny top with a drop neck and bell sleeves and black tights under pink skirts that had many many slits.
We walked onto stage and everyone started hooting, coz they’d seen Ramya do a bit of it on stage…
The dance was awesome… like it was really really hot. The guys were hooting and at the end of it, they even stood up for us… It was really sexy and very well done. Coordination was perfect, and we were shaking our asses as if no one was watching.

The event finally concluded by twelve fifteen in the morning, after which we got the dean to announce that the next day was a holiday. I changed into jeans, and walked outside, trying to figure out where to eat. A bunch of us (between 30 and 40) decided to walk to this place called ‘hot and cool' which is open till some four in the morning.

I was walking with this guy (RS) and we were kinda ahead of the rest of the group and suddenly out of the blue he was like ‘I think you’re very attractive..’ I was like 'what???'
I mean... first time this has ever happened to me and I really dint know how to handle it. So without thinking I said ‘line maroing??’ (ouch!)
And he was like ‘no, I’m serious’. And I was like shit what do I say now?? I said ‘um, thanks I guess’
Then he continued with ‘I feel so happy walking next to such a hot girl’ I was like ‘haha, whats the point, its only good if the whole world sees you walking with a hot chick. Theres no one here who’s gonna see so too bad its such a waste’

WHOA

Anyway, I told him that I think he’s a nice guy (which he is) and that I have a boyfriend. After which he backed off; immediately after we reached hot and cool, and I found V, he hurried off. Haha.

So we ended up eating at this shitty joint, at some 1 am in the morning, some forty of us sitting around, playing music on our laptops, singing along, chilling. This is what college life is about. It was awesome. Fun. Finally walked into hostel at 2am, escaped into room without signing in the latecomers register. Gave Ramya a big hug. Told her that shes hot and that the dance was awesome. I think someone took a video of it, WHICH I REALLY NEED TO GET. (note to self)

I was kinda depressed at the end of it all. The event we’d been practicing so hard for was over (in a good way) and now there was nothing left to look forward to. I felt sad we wouldn’t get to do the Lebanese again. Its like the low that follows a tremendous high. I felt that way even at the end of Vibes.

Woke up this morning at 1 in the afternoon, then hurried to eat lunch in the mess before it closed. Everyone’s in the library studying, I’m the only one in my room, not studying. I should start, Sessionals are dangerously close.

I love our batch. I realize now we have such diversely talented people here. And they’re all so nice. I have friends from so many different groups, and im not an indispensable part of any one single group, which is just like it was in VVS as well, and I’m so happy about that. Different people satisfy different sides of my personality. And I always get to choose who I want to spend time with.

Im gonna go get some work done now
LATER.

VIBES 2006

This weekend was Vibes. Which is the literary fest of KMC. So basically to make up for all the shit I DINT do at VVS, i did EVERYTHING here. LITERALLY EVERYTHING.

I did the extempore, the debate and all the quizzes. it was scary to walk up on stage and start talking about "you say it best when you say nothing at all" which was my topic.

But on the good side, i made the finals of the Lone Wolf Quiz which is an individual quiz event. 5 other guys qualified, and the quizmaster (who is proffessor of surgery) kept referring to me as "the lady".

"question for the lady"
"question passes to the lady"

etc

anyway i sucked at it. I got like 5 questions out of some 100. and all the others (there were no first years) kept looking at me wondering what the hell i was doing there.

it was bad.

i guess i should be happy i made the finals...

anyway.
more later.

Signum Vitalis

Signum Vitalis is the name of KMC's Magazine. Literally translated it means "Signs of Life". Pretty cool name, huh?

So anyway... I wrote something for the 2006 edition, but I don't know if it's good enough to make it in. The mag comes out only in October.

But I'm not gonna wait that long to put it up on my blog :) After all its something I wrote. So whether or not its published in Signum Vitalis, it WILL be published here:

TWO WEEKS WISER

Two weeks. That’s how long I’ve been here. And for all those who’re entering the portals of KMC for the first time, here is some information that you won’t find on the bulletin boards that the professors keep asking you to read all the time.

1. It rains here. Oh, you already knew about that? Read it on the website, huh? Well, its nothing like you ever imagined. I would say its worse than Cherrapunji, but I don’t want to anger the rain gods. Manipal is subjected to enough celestial thunder (no pun intended) without me soliciting more.

So, here’s how it works. It starts with you looking out of the window on a (seemingly) bright and sunny afternoon, thinking ‘Now’s a nice time to take my books (and laptop) to the library…’

You walk out naively, grabbing the umbrella as an afterthought, without even a cursory skyward glance. Trust me, its going to rain down on you. And chances are, it will happen when you’re atleast 15 meters away from any overhead projection that might offer a temporary refuge.

But you have your umbrella with you. If you’re lucky, you’ll also find that old windsheeter you hastily scrunched up into your backpack the day it rained so hard you almost caught pneumonia. Note that those two items will not help you in any way. They will deceive you in ways you never even dreamt of in your worst nightmares (yes, including those nightmares in which your cadaver lifts its right hand and pokes you in the eye with the fingernail of the index finger while simultaneously dripping cadaver fluid all over your new shoes).

Your umbrella will either refuse to open, or it will open grudgingly after its made sure that atleast fifty percent of your outer surface is wet. Also note that it is IMPOSSIBLE to find an umbrella that’s “big” enough. Either your backpack with be sticking out from the rain shadow area or the copious pleats of your patiala salwar will be wet and stuck together like the bedraggled feathers on wet crows.

It’s the Murphy’s law corollary applicable to Manipal:
If its raining, it will get wet.

The rainy season supposedly lasts only 3 to 4 months, but I’ll believe it only when I see it.

2. Another thing I learned about this place is that you should NEVER EVER walk around with food in your hand. This place is swarming with starving crows that couldn’t care less if they pierced your skin with their sharp beaks. No doubt the leftover mess food that is their (and our) regular sustenance is not nutritious enough to satisfy their hunger. Clearly they feel the primal urge to peck at whatever part of your body they can get at until you give up and throw your food in the air, at which point they forget about your existence. Which is why you should think twice before you venture outside with your breakfast clutched in your hands on a day that you woke up late on.



3. If you’re a first year student of Medicine, you will have Physiology Practicals. I would like to convey the fact that it is perfectly NORMAL to spill blood on your clothes, notebooks or other stationery. Shit happens. After all, you haven’t done very much until your Apron has a few stains on it. You might have some unpleasant experiences with frog muscles as well, but nothing can beat the joy of wearing an Apron that looks like it’s just come out of the Emergency Ward. It makes you feel way more important than a spotlessly clean Apron would.

4. It is important, in fact VITAL to have a good plan on your cell phone. Ideally, one which provides enough free (or almost free) messaging a day will serve the purpose delightfully. Don’t underestimate the power of an SMS. Sometimes, it’s the only thing keeping you awake in class during the indecently early lectures. It will also keep you up to date with homework assignments and provides a very convenient way to plan mass bunking. Its also a very reliable way to inform friends to get your attendance while you laze around in bed pretending its Sunday.

5. Another piece of advice that you might benefit from: Never sit in the first row of seats unless you’re absolutely sure you won’t fall asleep during the lecture. If you just can’t keep your eyes open, then the back rows (towards the corners) are the best place for you. You don’t want to unnecessarily put yourself (and the teacher) into uncomfortably embarrassing situations like the one illustrated below:

Teacher: “Hey you. Yes the red shirt in the second row. Stand up and tell us the origin and insertion of the Pectoralis major”
Red Shirt (stifling a yawn and bleary eyed): “Sir, it originates somewhere in the pectoral region…” (Pointing vaguely at several different sites on HIS pectoral region, hoping that the teacher’s myopic eyes will catch and focus only on the gesture corresponding to the correct answer).
Teacher squints at the class, hoping to call on someone who knows the answer so that he doesn’t have to waste too much time on the topic that he’s spent most his life on already.
Red Shirt is frantically rifling through his neighbor’s notes, hoping to chance upon the answer. 10 seconds later, realizing that its all greek and latin to him (no pun intended) he gives up and uses his last and final weapon.
Red Shirt: ‘Sir…actually Sir… we had so much homework in Physiology yesterday, I didn’t have time to revise anatomy.’
Teacher (growling) ‘Sit down!’

(Yes, most teachers have to be reminded frequently that theirs isn’t the only subject in First Year MBBS)


6. If you haven’t revised yesterday’s anatomy (The attachments of the muscles on the scapula), the best place to sit in Dissection Hall is right next to the teacher. This is the one and only case in which sitting next to the teacher can actually save you from the incessant questioning that occurs around the table, which can potentially put the Spanish inquisition to shame. If you’re sitting next to the teacher, YOU WILL NOT BE ASKED ANYTHING. Your teacher will assume that since you chose to sit right next to her, you have an inherent interest in anatomy, which she will construe to mean that you must have studied it all and therefore KNOW it all. She will point bones at everyone except the two people sitting on either side of her. Of course the disadvantage being that you have to get to DH ten minutes before class starts in order to bag those coveted seats. Conversely, the most dangerous place to sit in during DH is behind someone else. The teacher’s attention will be focused on you because she will assume you’re not paying enough attention, and I guarantee that all questions will make their way around the table (skipping the two positions mentioned earlier) and then settle squarely on your shoulders.


So, that’s the end of my Specific Advice. There’s always the common advice that everyone (from the fourth cousin of the Aunty next door whose nephew is a doctor; to your mom and dad) will throw at you atleast a couple of hundred times:

Make good friends (you need someone to give you notes for the classes you bunked). Eat well (Enough scope for that in Manipal… Too many options if you ask me. I have spent many breaks deliberating the topic only to realize in the end that its time for class again!!). Get some exercise (plenty scope for that as well, there are many endless corridors and flights of stairs to walk up and down on).

Remember, life at Med School doesn’t go down easily, but with a little ingenuity and a good selection of friends, you can learn to have fun. They say college is the best time of life. And we have more years than most other people!

Consider yourself lucky.

Questions and Answers

Wow! That's nice.. :) I guess you have already blended in with the new environment at Manipal. :)

I have some few questions for you,

Q1. How is the food at the mess? Do they offer non-veg? What do they serve for both veg and non-veg?

The food at the mess is like food at any mess. But its not BAD. I dont know about you, but as long as they give me food that's HOT, I can eat. So yeah. Also food is NOT a problem AT ALL, because there are tons of other options here... There's a food court on campus (Pizza Corner, Subway, Barrista etc)as well as a number of really cheap restaurants close by.

Food at the mess is VEGETARIAN, but Non veg can be got during all meals on order... that basically means you have to place an order at the counter, and you pay separately for it (which means its not included in your normal mess bill).

For that matter, plenty on vegetarian food (in terms of variety) is also available on order. So its basically like a cheap restaurant.

Q2. How is the teaching faculty? Do they use English as the medium of instruction at all times?

The faculty is VERY GOOD, even though most of them pick on me because a. I'm a backbencher and b. I talk A LOT. But class is always fun. We have great lecture halls in a building called the "Interact". They're centrally air conditioned, and some of us carry our laptops to class and use it to take notes.

And yes, due to the presence of a significant number of NRI's, ALL teachers use English as the teaching language. Infact over here I've started making a point of talking to my RI friends in Hindi so as to not lose touch with the language....

Q3. How is the hostel room? Are there any power cut-off or water shortage? Does the hostel building have a power generator??

Hostel rooms are pretty decent. i found no problems with them. We have double seater rooms, with attached bathrooms. We get hot water. And there are no power cuts here. I don't know if thats because of the backup or because there are no cuts, but theres never a problem with electricity supply here.

No water shortages either. We have solar heating facilities, as well as a back up process for days when its not sunnny.

So its good.

Life is good here!

My Laptop

They gave us our laptops yesterday evening. We went to Interact after Dissection class and entered 3d. We walked in and saw that each chair had this grey backpack sitting on it. I sat down somewhere and opened the one on my seat. It had my laptop (IBM thinkpad, R60) and the adaptor cord and charger and manual and stuff. WOW.

Even the bag is pretty cool. [EDIT: I was drunk on the laptop then. I realise now that neither the bag, nor the laptop are exceptionally special. No I take that back. The bag is exceptional in that its exceptionally UGLY and quite useless. 29th Feb 2008] Its a backpack, not a leather sling bag which is the type that people normally use to carry around their laptops. It has this special compartment that fits the comp, and apart from that there's place for other books and stuff. Its grey, and it has the Manipal logo on it and it also says "lenovo". Not bad at all.

Though the only bad part is that there are now atleast a thousand bags and laptops that are IDENTICAL. So if i carry this thing around with me, i have to make sure that I'm very careful. Thats not a very difficult thing for me.

So when I got to the library, to get someone to configure my comp for the wifi, i was told that the guy who knew how to do had already left and would be back only next day. WHOA. I was so disappointed...I had been WAITING to get online.

So i was like FUCK OFF, I'm gonna get this thing to work, and I sat there and switched the machine on and started looking for wifi related stuff. i found a lot of things, and eventually figured out how to get it to work! Like I was suddenly connected to the net, and my friends were like "SHOW ME HOW". So I did it for like 5 other people.

When stuff like this happens I feel so COOL!!!

HAHA

I'm just really really kicked about everything right now which is why I'm so hyperactive.

It feels so good to type man

Later

At Manipal

My laptop isn't here yet, so I'm posting from a cafe. Hopefully the laptops will be issued to us by next week, and it should get better then.

I've moved into hostel, its really nice, even though its the cheapest available. I have an attached bath which i have to share _just_ with my room mate. Who's this really nice chick doing Post Grad in Psychiatry, so she's never around. I've pretty much got the room to myself.

There are tons of people here that I know already. And R managed to get a transfer here from Mangalore.

Mom left last night. Dad called and said that they'd come visit some time next month, but I'm doing really well by myself here.

There is ragging here, except that its called an _interaction_. And it never gets worse than "Introduce yourself to us in hindi". I havent been ragged yet, and all this is just heresay. Part of the ragging includes not being able to visit the _very_ sexy library, which i think is mean and stupid on their part.

I have a white coat (called an apron) with a nice name plate and all. when we walk into the labs its like I'm already a doctor. it feels good.

Lectures are held in the "Interact" building, and the rooms inside AC, with internet points and projecter, and ccomputers etc. and the tables are arranged semi circular projectors with nice cushiony chairs. nice, huh?

Made a couple of friends.

Feels good to be online after so long. But I must go.

Later

Surprise Party; and Good Bye

I'm finally going.

Its five thirty in the morning, and at seven we're leaving for the station.

Sim threw me a surprise party. I got home and rang the bell and she opened the door. And there were like 5 ppl there shouting SURPRISE.
Turns out she'd been planning it for days....

Isnt that cool? ITs the one thing no ones ever done for me before. I was so touched. There were posters on the wall saying "SURPRISE" and "Best of Luck" and "Fly High". And there was pizza and ice cream cake from Nirula's. And LOTS of coke. WOW I never thought my friends were THAT sweet.

And I almost cried while I hugged all of them goodbye. I was thinking why we hadn't met more often in the last year and how could I NOT make the most of these ppl while I had them....
I love you guys so much.

Shit. Shouldn't be getting senti. I'm leaving home in two hours, and I havent said bye to Dandy yet.

Missing Y. Wish he was here to help me through this. But he's totally like "Been there, done that, dont wanna think about all that again". Hmm. He cant think of any reason why I wont like it. Which is probably true.

Well, I wont be posting for a while, atleast not for a weeks or so...until I get the whole internet thing worked out at Manipal.

Shit. Leaving Home. Its the most important transition I'm going to make in life. Its nothing more than a change in surroundings, but I'm going through it alone, without friends and family to help me through. Which is what makes it so tough. But I'm pretty sure I can live through it. Most people do. Right?
Good Luck Miracle Drug!

THEY BLOCKED US??

How rude.

The newspaper described it as a case of "throwing the baby out with the bathwater".

As long as blogger doesn't DELETE my blog permanently, I'm not too angry. And I'm pretty sure that they're going to lift this bock pretty soon.

Also, people, please use www.shysurfer.com to access blogspot. Though if you can read this, you must have already figured out a way around the block.

oh my god.

I cant believe I'm going.

I've spoken to so many people about this, about going away and living alone; in fact I've done it before. But I still can't believe its happening again. And I hope that it will be NOTHING like it was last time.

Been doing tons of shopping.
I'm at that stage where I actually have TOO many clothes. Can you believe ME saying that?

Before, it used to be like "Oh my god I have to leave in half an hour but I have nothing to wear. Everything I own is atleast 3 years old and/or doesn't fit me."

And now thats changed to "Oh my god I have to leave in half an hour, how can I possibly decide what to wear in such short time?"

And I've waited so long for this.


Tomorrow Sim's taking me to Lajpat Nagar to buy some salwaar kameezes cheap. Also footwear and a backpack. After that I'm all set to go. Packing it all up is going to be difficult. I was convinced I could fit it all in the BIG samsonite suitcase, but when I actually saw the 3 foot high mound of stuff on my bed I was forced to change my mind.

PROJECT sucks. I haven't collected my recommendation letter from her yet, and mom doesn't know it. I'm bound to get screamed at if she finds out.
All my photos got ruined, not that I would have had the space to fit it all into my 6 page report.

There is very little time left and so much to do. I have to start filling out the form. Write project report. Pack. Meet people. Get hair cut. Collect letter from school.

Filling out the stupid form is going to be tough. There are stupid questions like "Explain why you chose this project" and " what idea/instrument has excited you and why" and "Describe a recent breakthrough in Science and how it is important" etc etc. And I havent done the research required to answer these questions.

Project

Project coming along very slowly. I'm getting graphs that my teacher says no one has got before. Which means that:

1. I have no aptitude for research work
2. I cannot handle a sensitive machine like a photospectrometer with confidence and success
3. For all I know, the machine itself is crazy, like so many of the other crazy machines in the lab eg: all the physical balances, the digital balances if you catch them in a bad mood, all types of callipers etc. I've come to realise that the only instrument I have really mastered is the Microscope. Which also happens to be my favourite.
4. There's also the possiblity that the strain I'm working with has suddenly mutated and developed abnormal non sigmoid growth patterns.
5. My teacher is not going to give me a good reco because I obviously can't handle the instruments.
6. Therefore I won't land the fellowship.


Still have to take photographs, and compile all data in a presentable form, not exceeding 6 pages.

Thats going to be the toughest part. SIX pages is too little.

...
Apart from that, must begin packing soon. Leaving for Manipal in 2 weeks. I also have to finish some essential shopping and meet everyone I havent met yet.
...

My parents are moving to Noida (yuck) once I'm gone. I've seen the apartment, its pretty nice. Spacious and airy. With a Club and everything. So it wont be so bad when I come back for vacation.

White Oleander

I'm in love with this book. Someone please find it and buy it for me.

Its called WHITE OLEANDER. By JANET FITCH.

My birthday's too far, but you DEFINITELY dont need an occasion to gift me this anyway.

Make my day!

Now I wish I had seen the movie when HBO was showing it.

Lost love

I spoke to her after 5 years, but this time round I sounded older than her. Her voice was still her own, but her words were different, cynical. She told me what her life had been like after I left. She changed schools, found friends who betrayed her and ended up broken and faithless, watching her life flow down the drain.

She told me how she was being blackmailed by her boyfriend. Her friends weren't around when SHE needed help. Her little sister was ill and her parents were too busy to notice what was going on.

All it took was 2 years in DPS for her to lose the idealism and youthfulness that i was so attracted to. She was disillusioned, didn't trust life and didn't have friends because she was too afraid to trust people.

She was angry with me. She had expected me to continue corresponding with her. She said she felt abandoned. That she never really realised how much comfort I gave her. That I was the only one who understood her, that she was lost without me.
She told me about how she searched for my contact number but never called because she was so angry.

"Well," I said to her, "You took me for granted. You never told me you felt that way. If I had known, I would have been different." So different. I was in love with her. Her voice, her perfect diction, the way she walked back from the tennis court with me, telling me what an indecisive person she was. The way she'd wait for me before school started, under the big tree outside the dining hall. We'd walk together almost every morning, and I would savor the way words fell from her mouth. She was my saviour. That such a one could exist among the rest of them then surely, I could not lose myself.

When I left she told me that blood was thicker than water. I wanted to tell her that water was as important as blood, but I didn't, I was afraid my voice would break.

And now, it seems strange that she should cling to me for support, when the only reason I survived was her. I tried sorting her life out for her, reminding her about who she used to be. There, she fought her way out of depression every waking moment. She rose above it all, she was high enough to see the big picture, she saw that there was more to life. Now, its as if she's been sucked under, into the vortex of depression, going round and round in circles of regret.

I know how that feels. What its like to feel worthless. Life is what you make of it. And I just didn't make it good enough. What can you do with broken pieces of lost dreams?
Is there more to life?

This is for you, Misha:

The best is yet to come. You were a different person with a different life when you believed that. And that is the person you deserve to be and the life you deserve to live. Find it. Live it.

KVPY

I've FINALLY begun project work at school. Felt good to be there, pottering around in the labs just like I used to. The biotech lab has become so cool, I'm almost uncomfortable there. There are auto pipettes and cooling centrifuges and autoclavers (is that what they're called?) and spectrometres and incubators. whoa.

This is stuff I've never handled before, I've only seen demos. Hopefully the LAME project will come out looking REALLY GOOD.

Wierd: 2 kids walked into the lab and addressed me as "Ma'am"

Today was a bad day though. Some stupid kids screwed up BOTH the digital balances. So I was stuck having to measure stuff out using the physical balance, which sucks. The process, as any science student will inform you, is excruciatingly long and slow, without any guarantee that your results are accurate, because chances are some idiot has already fucked it up.

...

I met VK a week back, when I first went to school. I walked into the lab, and he saw me and literally welcomed me with open arms. When I told him I was going to do MBBS, he almost shed tears. He was wiping his eyes. Maybe something was in them (?). I was happy that I'd made him happy though. He always seemed out of place among a bunch of underachieving students. Atleast when I failed his subject, I felt really bad for him.

He composed two lines for me, in hindi, which Im not going to reproduce here. I was so touched. I couldn't say much to him, I just ended up tongue tied. But I hope he understood how much it meant to me.

...

Q

Insidemamind said...

You are definitely lucky to get into KMC. I read your previous posts and got to know that you went to Aakash. While I was in India, this year, I went to Brilliant Tutorials.. But I was really disappointed with the kind of teaching. Some of the teachers were good, while some failed to convey the concepts right! Some of the teachers communicated and taught the subject in Hindi.... I found it difficult, since I am not used to someone teaching me the Science subjects in Hindi. My parents spoke about my grievances to Brilliant. But it didn't do me any good. So I left the coaching and began studying on my own.

Out of all the exams I answered, I got through only two exams.. One for a college at Punjab and the other at Goa. (You can read the current post on my blog to know why I didn't opt for either of the colleges).

So I am going to drop for a year, and take a correspondent course. I have left India, and I am going to do a correspondent course...

I would like to know if a correspondent course from Aakash would do me any good, if I wish to answer the exams next year.

When I come down to India next year, I will try to go for a crash course at Aakash. I am not thinking about Brilliant at all

And one more question.. Do the teachers at Aakash teach in Hindi?


12:56 PM, July 03, 2006


Overall, I had a pretty good experience with Aakash. But I've heard from more than one person that BT isn't good. For classroom coaching Aakash is one of the best. I found that the teachers KNEW their subject. Through and through. Its worth the time and money you spend there.

if you're dropping a year, I would advise you to stay on in India and do the 1 year regular course at Aakash. You'll only realise how much it helped afterwards, while giving your entrances.

A correspondance course would help, if you have the kind of dedication and discipline it takes to keep at it. You have to be REGULAR the entire year. And its TOUGH. Especially when you know theres no one to force you to study.

As for the whole language thing, I think you should get used to it. Though most teachers at Aakash use English, some Hindi does creep in at times. If you plan to study in India, be prepared. I'm pretty sure Hindi is used widely by proffessors in most Medical Colleges as well. Unless you end up in a college with a significant NRI population (such as Manipal).

Consider studying in Punjab, if the college is in a big town. It would save you a year.

By the way, I saw on your site that you've cleared the Manipal entrance ????

Good Luck

Pictures of Manipal

I WOULD put up pictures, but blogger isn't letting me.

Aurinelle, HELP

(hehe)

KMC Manipal it is, then

Finalised the decision. Which wasnt so difficult seeing as how I DIDN'T get into any place better.

Went to see the campus recently. Its beautiful. Having heard so much about the place from random people I barely know, I was convinced that I had already over-rated the place in my head.

We got there within 15 minutes of getting an auto from the Udupi station. Our (shitty) hotel was just down the road from the KMC Campus, and just opposite the MIT campus. After dumping luggage etc and cleaning up and eating breakfast at the Cafe Coffee Day ten steps away from the hotel, we walked uphill to the campus.

Counselling/Completion of admission formalities happened at the Universtiy Building, which also houses the HUGE Health Sciences Library. Met a few people, exchanged numbers, and then had Lunch at the FOOD COURT right opposite. Not bad for a tiny town in Karnataka, eh?

After which, we walked around. Saw hostel (which is REALLY BAD compared to the other buildings around). Atleast we have attached bathrooms, with hot water facilities and all... That makes EVERYTHING seem better. I remember MGD's common baths/toilets. UGH. That was BAD.

Saw other random areas of campus, such as Swimming Pool, Manipal Greens and Some Random Field. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough time to visit the fabled beaches. I'll probably end up going there enough times in the next 5.5 years anyway, RIGHT?

We left at night, taking an overnight Volvo to Bangalore, which was not as uncomfortable (in terms of seating ONLY) as I thought it would be. Ofcourse, I wasn't able to sleep at all, because the driver INSISTED on maintaining the temperature inside at 16 degrees!! Which is bad enough, without taking into account the fact that it was raining outside, which made the 16 degrees seem more like 6.

After approximately 10 minutes, I discovered I had made a BIG mistake opting for an AC Bus. 10 minutes after that, the only thing I cared about was surviving the night. My extremities froze up (literally). I couldnt feel my fingers, toes, and for that matter any part of my legs below my knees. That I could move my limbs seemed like no small miracle.

I remember looking jealously at fellow passengers who came better prepared, with blankets(!) and woolen caps.

Hell for me: Sitting in a bus whose AC is out of control, freezing up while other people snore contently, INSIDE their warm blankets.




Manipal seemed like an OK place, though.

AND... I'll have a laptop! YAY

Orientation is on Aug 1.

LIST

THINGS TO DO BETWEEN JUNE 1 AND JUNE 6

1. Get hair styled/cut
2. Clean room thoroughly, including all cupboards and drawers
3. Dispose off (throw away/sell to raddiwala/sell to PMT aspirant/give away to PMT aspirant) all old textbooks and testpapers, including Aakash Brief Reviews
4. Get Swimming Card made at DSOI and USE it
5. Meet/ talk to people:
Devshree
Misha
Rishi/Raashi
Ramani, Nilofer, Mansi, Poonam
Akanksha
Aruni
Ashutosh (?)
Dr Prassan
Shivaki
Bharti, Isha
Deeksha
Shubha
Naina, Palna
Rounak
Anamika, Anshul
Sharon, Smita, Priya
6. Buy a book to read
7. Lose weight rapidly
8. Fix computer, reinstall EVERYTHING

waiting

oh my god i am so sick of W A I T I N G .............

waiting for some results to be announced
waiting for my exams to get over (around 7 left)
waiting for Y to get home

I just figured, that once all this shit DOES get over, I'm going to have so much time on my hands. I need to start planning what to do in that time.

I'm going to maka a list-of people to meet, and things to do, and other stuff that's been on my mind for a year.

MY LIFE IS ABOUT TO BE UN-PAUSED !!!
in about 3 weeks that are going to last forever

sigh

MUST STUDY
MUST STUDY SERIOUSLY FOR DPMT

I need to try to stop spending so much time online

later...

AIPMT MAINS

yeah. THE MAINS.

Only the most important exam for any candidate who's cleared the PRELIMS. And there are more than 17,000 of those.

PHY CHEM
The phy chem paper went badly (by my standards). It was lengthy, and I couldn't solve all the questions. I attempted MOST of them, and probably completely left around 3. (Thats 3 X 5 marks gone)
Overall, I answered 8 (out of 20) completely, and did some parts of the rest.
And I'm terrified that its not going to be good enough.

BIO
Was far better. The paper was much simpler than anything I had encountered at Aakash. I knew mostly everything. Left around 2 questions, and will probably get atleast 4 wrong.
It was lengthy, but doable.

Since the paper was easier, the cutoff will go higher than it was last year (75 percent).

I expect to get ATLEAST 40 (phy chem) plus 60 (bio) marks. which is like 50 percent total.

NOTE TO SELF:
I will NOT go over all the questions I think I got wrong. I will not catastrophise about this test. I will stop thinking about it completely. I will continue to believe that LADY LUCK is in my favour.

3 weeks

Three weeks seems like a really long time. Especially when its the last three weeks of the academic year, a year that has been spent in mind numbing classroom like, rigid conditions.

OK. Maybe its an exaggeration. So I didn't spend ALL my time in a classroom. But, on the other hand, I barely spent any time outdoors.

But this is the longest three weeks of my life (excluding the time I spent in Vellore, which is a totally different story). Also very stressful. Here's why:

1. I have ALL INDIA level entrance exams EVERY Sunday. And on a few Saturdays.
2. I am constantly terrorised by the thought of my impending results in the above mentioned tests.
3. These results usually appear in clumps of two or three at a time
4. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THESE STUPID TESTS TO GET OVER. The waiting is just driving me nuts

I guess I'm happy they're going to be ending. And I learnt a LOT this year. Not only academically, but also in terms of getting to know myself better.

And I went from feeling complete and total DISGUST towards the idea of coaching to feeling extremely grateful to Aakash Institute.

My advice to any PMT Aspirer:
Don't dismiss the idea of coaching. There is NO substitute for classroom teaching. And chances are the faculty you find at the coaching centre will be WAY better than the teachers who taught you in school. Its completely and totally worth the money you'll be spending, even if all you do is attend the classes regularly. So swallow your pride and give it an honest try.

There.
I sound like a PMT topper, don't I?

I am SO getting into AIIMS. (I hope you caught the sarcasm)

The AFMC Paper this year was way tougher than ever before (going by AFMC standards). I ran out of time, but everyone I met said they did too. Hmmm. And I forgot to wear a watch that day. WHICH MADE IT WORSE.

No use crying over spilt milk. (Not that I'm going to stop crying over it). Whatever.

Presumptuous?

Well, truth be told, I'm not exactly a Med Student.........YET. But hopefully, by end June, all my results will be out and I'll know for sure where I'm going to be studying, and by July, I might actually BE in the aforementioned location.

Some results are out, and I'm proud to say that

1. I've cleared the AIPMT Prelims
2. I managed to rank 227 in the MAHE(Manipal) Entrance
3. Rank 576 in BVP

Hopefully (many) more are to follow.
Until then, I must continue to pretend to slog. (I gave up ACTUALLY studying about a month back, and it will probably have disastrous consequences on my All India Rankings. But I'm more than willing to risk it.....I'm SO sick of studying for the damn entrances)