almost Ed in Chief

busy busy busy

im so damn busy, havent had a moment to relax and breathe properly

in fact i havent eaten properly since i got back cos there's no time... on the good side though, its making me forget the demons in my mind and i'm hoping that if i ignore them for long enough they'll DIE.

i'm gonna burn out. i'm afraid SV09 wont be as cool as its predecessor, which was SUPER AWESOME by the way.. the bar has been raised, and now its up to me to maintain it, even if i cannot raise it further.

i'm also gonna FAIL my courses. or barely pass. bye bye distinction land.

If I can let you go as trees let go
Their leaves, so casually, one by one;
If I can come to know what they do know,
That fall is the release, the consummation,
Then fear of time and the uncertain fruit
Would not distemper the great lucid skies
This strangest autumn, mellow and acute.

If I can take the dark with open eyes
And call it seasonal, not harsh or strange
(For love itself may need a time of sleep),
And, treelike, stand unmoving before the change,
Lose what I lose to keep what I can keep,
The strong root still alive under the snow,
Love will endure - if I can let you go.

May Sarton
 from The Autumn Sonnets

I cant listen to my favourite music because it makes me cry.
So many memories and i thought we could make some more together.
What am I going to think about when i'm on my own, during that long flight and the long taxi ride home? How am I going to keep from thinking about you? About us?

Almost 2 years and I'm not over you. I guess I'll never get over my best friend. My first love.

Four days left before i leave for Manipal.

So many things to do, so many feelings to sort out...

I'm gonna reach quite early this time, none of my friends will be back. But i have mag work that needs to be done quickly, so i dont have much of a choice.

I cut my hair. Makes me happy on some level. I feel like internal pain has external expression now.

The Ground Beneath Her Feet

Its not up to you no more,
you cant choose if its peace or war
just cant make choices anymore
your nightmare has come true;

and when the day becomes the night
and when you dont know wrong from right
or blind from sight or who to fight
dont tell me you feel blue

there's nothing baby, nothing you can do
cause its not up to you, its not up to you....

But it was never up to me, and i didn't understand that till it was too late. You sleep well tonight, ok? have pleasant dreams, and wake up smiling. You deserve it.
I'll stand by you, in the shadows. I'll be around should you call, but I dont think you will, not now, its too late for that teenage vow.

but I'll miss you. so much. you're a part of me, my heart aches for its lost piece, my body feels amputated, my emotions..... i cant talk about my emotions yet.
random and not so random yoga instructers on tv show me ways to make my body feel better, exercises to heal the soul and the body, but you were the only breath i ever needed, the only elixir, the only balm.

thats love, isnt it? i cant stop believing we're soulmates. but its not up to me, is it? it never was.