It is so, so important to have someone tell you that you're beautiful. Now more than ever before. Now is when i need it the most, because i feel ugly. scarred. and inside im trying to heal, but im also silently crying for help.

its redemption i need. complete forgiveness. I have hurt myself so terribly that deep inside im afraid i'll never be able to forgive myself.

thats why, when you forgive me, it feels like i can stop blaming myself. i can move forward, and try to re establish that connection i used to have with myself. i can try to trust myself again.

i feel so ugly. everyday. every moment im fighting to keep my spirits up.

how is it possible that i am unable to forgive myself, and why am i looking for forgiveness from you? why does it feel better when you tell me you love me no matter what i've done in the past?

why are you more willing to forgive me than i am to let go of a past that i wish i could never think about again? why do i have scars on my  thigh when  i dont want them there? when will i stop crying about this, and when will the scars stop mattering? when will i be able to look at them, and love my body anyway?
how much longer before im truly able to come to terms with them?

actually, im glad they're on the outside too. atleast now you can SEE them. they exist, and you know what they represent. you acknowledge them. and when i tell you im having a really bad day, bad thought about them, you understand.

you understand, and you tell me im beautiful anyway, and sometimes that is the onlu reason i get through the day.