Ed Board

joined the ed board(in charge of Signum Vitalis, among other things). still new to the whole idea, i dont know what to expect. but its exciting to do something extra curricular FINALLY. not too many people here are into doing extra stuff, which is probably why i had no trouble getting on the board.

am i the only one who thinks that its important to have something to show for your life apart from the standard academic achivements?

most of my friends hardly care, the ones who do care, care only for the certificate at the end of the year so they have something to declare on the MLE forms. Granted, the certificate is important to me, but its definitely not my primary motivator.

What is?
I want to be noticed. I want to prove to myself that the talents hidden within me do EXIST and aren't imagined.
I want to get to know more people, people cool enough be good at more than one thing (like i'm striving to do).
I want to leave a mark on people around me. I want to be thought of as the girl who was different. someone who took her life in her own hands, and understood the implications of that completely.
And most importantly, I never want to look back at my life and regret not attempting the things I could have done, and the person I could have been. Never again.

headache
killing me....

went and saw "the doors" today. not that i know much about the band. but it sounded like an arty film (and it WAS). nudity, poetry, drugs and music. very very dreamy. very difficult to tell what part of it actually happened and what part was hallucination.

then went to party at wgsha, where i ended up meeting everyone from school.

spent half an hour after curfew hanging out with people at the steps outside the recreation centre. they were just randomly sitting there singing lewd songs. i joined them coz i had nothing better to do.

splitting headache. should sleep if i know whats good for me.

miss u baby

all the promises we make...

ironic

hostel got wireless and i stopped blogging immediately.

exams over. i guess i can finally stop thinking about how/when/what/where to study, and whether or not passing is a possibility.

im still depressed though. wasnt that supposed to go away? its funny how everything you can count on suddenly gives way. thats the thing. i'm realising more and more acutely how the only person i can actually count on is me. and the only way i can make things alright is if i control how i feel about those things.

i've known this forever actually. i grew up alone, never lonely, learning how to count on myself for entertainment, for food, for conversation, for company, for protection. solitary is not something i run from.

i need to be able to make that work for me again.

you know you make promises and then break them without even knowing that you're breaking them. you just forget how much it meant before. and take it for granted. and then you lose who you used to be forever.

i did that to me, and now you're doing it to me again. this time i can see it happening. but i still cant stop it, because you have no idea what it is you're breaking.

if only i had made better decisions