all the promises we make...

ironic

hostel got wireless and i stopped blogging immediately.

exams over. i guess i can finally stop thinking about how/when/what/where to study, and whether or not passing is a possibility.

im still depressed though. wasnt that supposed to go away? its funny how everything you can count on suddenly gives way. thats the thing. i'm realising more and more acutely how the only person i can actually count on is me. and the only way i can make things alright is if i control how i feel about those things.

i've known this forever actually. i grew up alone, never lonely, learning how to count on myself for entertainment, for food, for conversation, for company, for protection. solitary is not something i run from.

i need to be able to make that work for me again.

you know you make promises and then break them without even knowing that you're breaking them. you just forget how much it meant before. and take it for granted. and then you lose who you used to be forever.

i did that to me, and now you're doing it to me again. this time i can see it happening. but i still cant stop it, because you have no idea what it is you're breaking.

if only i had made better decisions