nicotine

was depressed all of saturday for stupid reasons:

a. too much to do in very little time
b. see above
c. see above

even the fact that y would be here in less than a week wasnt enough to cheer me up. (yeah, he's coming on the 8th of march)

i felt really bad abt backing out of the dance but i simply didnt have time, and i couldnt quite quit the other stuff im obligated to do during verve.
Immediately after quitting though i felt really nice and empty and happy.

yay

coming to the fun part

SATURDAY
was a holiday (holi, dint play coz was depressed)
by virtue of my depression, ended up at sky lounge with 4 guys and 2Tas chaperone. we were randomly standing around when i announced that i wanted alcohol, so he made a phone call and we went.
got whiskey (with sprite!? not that i knew it was weird at the time, i was told later by R)

went on to have a nice longish conversation with the guy(R) online, which ended with a plan to meet the next day for the explicit purpose of teaching me how to smoke.

SUNDAY
went to dt around 7
with RandR(i simply love these guys. im so glad they're at manipal with me, i should really use them more often)
drank some, and then R whipped out a pack of wills classic milds and asked if i wanna smoke. and i was like... uhm...
and the other R was like she's not saying no, that means yes

so he lit it and then showed me what to do. i almost chickened out (just like the other time in class 10 with y)
he kept waving it around my face asking if i wanted to.

so i finally took it from him (after asking him to demonstrate again). i was really scared of ending up in a coughing fit at dt...coz by then it was really crowded. and the waiter guys were hovering about (but not really paying attention).

what was i thinking? all those cheesy tv commercials/sitcoms/movies about how the first step is the end of you kept running through my head. the same images that went through my head the last time i backed out.

my fingers were trembling when i took it from him.. and i held it for a long time before actually putting it in my mouth and taking a drag. it dint make me cough, though the smoky texture at the back of my throat wasnt too pleasant.

it took a few tries for me to get it right. the whole inhaling twice into lungs maneuver. but it hit me fucking hard. after 3 proper drags, i was extremely lightheaded and the room was almost spinning. it was way better than anything i ever got out of alcohol. but it faded really fast.

both of them were constantly giving me feedback... what i was doing wrong etc. me and R shared the first two, (he was like, im surprised you arent wetting it) and i was taught how to light the third one, and had it all by myself.

also had alcohol.. bacardi with coke. that and then the AWESOME music they play at dt...really gets you high. i was pretty loosened up and we started talking more....

it was the most fun evening ever, im still kinda high. when we left, R gave me what remained the pack. apparently the guy's taught four to five other women to do it. i was quite unsteady on my feet when we got up (thank god i wasnt wearing heels). but i was able to walk straight, its just that my knees felt a little weak.

and it was fun to share the whole experience... telling them exactly what it felt like, and then being told about how they felt. and being coached on how to do it right, how to hold it, how to flick ash off it, how to light one etc. haha i distinctly remember being told by R not to blow smoke into his face.

and we ended up talking more than usual. more laid back and open. that was almost the best part.

wow. finally got to do this. now i feel justifiably almost twenty. ok that makes no sense. y, i wish you hadnt refused to show me... i could have shared this with you instead of them...

seriously it was awesome while it lasted. no i dont plan on doing it often. will make the pack last long, and wont buy anymore.
ofcourse, R did say smtn about teach me how to "taxi" the next time we met.. hehe

oh man... i love these guys so much. they're a part of VVS right here. *hugs both*