birthday, and bangalore

awesome celebrations..

12th april

went out with RandR(at my request) to DT, drank approx 90ml vodka. was drunk by the time we left. stood around sharada for a while after they dropped me there. called r and asked if she could hang out.. dint really want to spend the transition alone, and couldnt really think of anyone else i'd want to be with.

she showed up a little later and we went to shenoy's where we sat while she studied and i talked about random shit. she bought me a whole pack of mints coz apparently my breath was really bad.
sv came along (dint strike me then!!). randomly chatted some more. thank god ive started having fun with people here...

eventually some 30 mins before midnight, she decided she wanted to take a walk, so we walked into the greens, and she lead me to the stage.. where there were some ten people sitting in the dugout place.

but what my eyes rested on was the candles around the cake. flickering slightly in the breeze. then they yelled surprise and i figured it was for me (still tipsy) it was awesome. r, shraydee, श्री, sv, sm, na, am, sk, 2T (did i miss someone??)

i was so touched. nicest thing anyones done for me, ever, barring the surprise thing that sim threw me before i left. i love you guys !! i almost cried...

so we cut the cake, and i counted the candles, perfect number, 19. they told me it was done unintentionally (HA). yummy chocolate cake. with "happy birthday to our cutely random S" in icing on it. oh my god i love you guys. i would give my life for you.

and then, as if it couldnt get better, shraydee got his guitar out and sree sang my fav songs. iris, here is gone, here without you. and then ended with sutta!
i couldnt get over them singing and playing for me. it was the most romantic thing ever, if there can be such an emotion among a group of friends.

so we sat/stood around singing together in the dark under the stars. perfect.

i love you. and maybe i can show you someday.

its so surprising that the people who organised this for me arent in my course at all. shows that i havent made and new friends. its just always been r and her group. i love you.

on the thirteenth, left for bangalore. got there saturday morn, stayed till sunday night. spent the night in v's hostel.
we talked a lot (me and y). spoke about our deteriorating relationship, about how we want different things from life. to my surprise, he actually admitted having not made an effort to understand or make things better. he admitted that more often than not he picked on words used and technicality instead of trying to understand what im trying to say.

i told him about my need for passion, intensity and romance. but i dont think he understands. he's just not built that way. i need someone to satisfy the poet in me. and he's mr. mathematician. an expert at breaking everything down to its constituent elements, when all im looking for is integration of the whole.

he took me out saturday night, we were supposed to hang out at this pub, but it was full, so we went to a mall instead. i had fun, spending time trying on clothes isnt something i'd object too..

well, actually, it was supposed to be a proper date... i got all dressed up in this pretty black skirt and sequined top. and he was supposed to pay for us both, and it was supposed to be romantic night out etc. we've never really gone on a "date" date
but then that dint work out. and i was very disappointed and a little bit angry. i was really expecting him to show me what i was looking for.
we just ended up making out...which is what always happens. just because i enjoy it doesnt mean its a substitute to everything, or that it has the potential to fix everything. and it dint fix it that day. yeah sure, it was the best alternative available at the time, but i wanted more.

hopefully he'll do it properly sometime. without me TELLING him to.