woke up feeling terrible. its the urge to purge. what an awful rhyme. but yeah, writing things down has always been therapeutic for me

i dreamt about being back home. mom and dad were sitting in the front and i was in the back of the car. we were driving someplace. and i wanted the drive to go on forever.

i dreamt about opening my email and finding in it a long mail from him... a reply to a really short one that i sent him. he talked about stuff happening in his life, and about life in general. he talked about us, about how we're good together, and how much he cares. i woke up believing it wasnt a dream. somehow at the back of my mind i kept thinking about checking my mail. and when i did, i realised it was just a dream.

i miss you. dont you get it? yes, i know you're there if i ever really need you... but define "ever really"? i mean, i can deal with everything myself without you. i dont need you to get through my life.

i'm not even sure anymore if this is worth it. i'm sorry. but there's so much inner conflict these days, since i started pulling away from you. i see things differently. i see how your life is full and wouldnt be empty without me. and i see how my life is similar.

i see how what we want from each other is so totally different. and how neither one of us is able/willing to compromise. and how we end up making each other miserable, because no matter how close we were before, we DONT understand each other at all.