I miss school

its almost 5 am
I'm still up. online. not studying (exams in 48 hours. starts with a ComMed paper. wtf etc)
my Gilmore Girls addiction has run out of fuel cos she wont supply me with fresh episodes until AFTER the exams.

So ive just been online.. doing the usual. catching up on QC etc. went to my school's website. people are doing SO well for themselves! I feel like Im stagnating in KMC. after all, 5 years, without a degree. its not very heartwarming.
But i miss school sometimes. perhaps i will write for their newsletter after my exams.

I'm barely in touch with ANYONE from school. even though i was in love with that place. all juniors i knew have graduated. only faculty remains. and do they remember me? most wont. those who had children in my batch probably do though.

Ive been thinking about how we define ourselves in our lives. its completely up to me, who i want to be. i can be the 'dont really care about school and where i came from, even though it made me who i am today' kinda girl. or i can be the 'let me stay in touch with the (second) love of my life, let me make an effort at establishing and maintaining contact with the faculty' kinda girl.

I'm sure there's tons of stuff i can write about. like the changes we've all had to deal with after we leave school. like all the NON academic stuff that school taught us, that im still so grateful for. a list of funny memories from school that everyone will relate to. stuff like that. *gasp!* i can be like a guest columnist!

But first. must pass exams. prospects? reasonably high. i dont aim on topping this year, just maintaining a decent average. the magazine being my excuse. but i cannot afford to fail.

its amazing how these ideas strike me just during exam time. its like all that repressed creativity looking for an outlet.

i've been missing Y like crazy too. its the tension in the air. exam stress always made me call him more, yell at him more, typical attention seeking behaviour. i cant believe he isnt around anymore. he SAID he would call me, he WOULD stay in touch.

we made all these promises while we were going out. about how we'd always be important to each other. i havent spoken to him in months! and i think im the only one who misses that. and i have this huge ego which wont allow me to call him first and grovel for attention. (in my defence, the last time we talked, i TOLD him this was gonna happen. i knew i wouldnt be calling him, so i told him to make sure he shows he cares by calling me! and i also told him i wouldnt say this again. so there u have it. i cant do anything, except wait. yes, i'd much rather do that than call him and yell)

ELECTIVES: ive done more elective work in the last week, than ive been able to do in the last 6 months! just shows how boring exam time can be. tedious. i got my titres done, my mantoux test, and i've also shortlisted colleges i might wanna apply to. i think i need to take the TOEFL, which i shall schedule later, after exams. i'm excited about this, i hope it works out for me. i need to do something cool, like the other kids from my school, who are SO AWESOME. also the experience would be amazing. i have no idea what kinda environment it'll actually be like. i'm thinking NOTHING like Scrubs or House. NOTE TO SELF: NO COUNTING UNHATCHED CHICKENS.

DramaQueen's closest friend from school was here a week back. she's at Christ, Bangalore studying Journalism, English Lit and Psychology. Ah, to be her...
So anyway i casually asked her about Prufrock and turns out, she's studied it in depth for class! I got a print out and she explained everything to me! All my Prufrock questions finally answered! Hooray. I have to say though, that knowing its actual meaning has made the poem unbelievably depressing! earlier there was some magic to its rhythm. now i just feel sorry for the pathetic old man, and i see myself in him, 30 years from now. help.