alone

if its one thing ive learnt from my life.. from being an only child.. is how to be alone, without being lonely.
but now, because of everything thats happened to me, i hate being alone with myself. i keep judging myself in my head..i know i'm not a good girl.

there's no poetry in drinking a cup of coffee all alone, under the drizzling sky, staring out at the greens. or in pretending to listen to an ipod while sitting on an abandoned staircase, while people walk by, staring at you because you're out of place. its no fun to get dressed on a sunday afternoon and head to the library with books, even though you dont have an exam for months, and you know you're just going to end up day dreaming.

what happened to my friends? i dont want my life to revolve around one person..

i used to have friends. but they're the kind i wouldnt want back. and somehow, i think its going to be really tough to find new ones to fill their space.

loneliness is a state of being. i should just embrace it.
i dont think im ever going to be able to open up to anyone completely. im my head, i feel myself detaching from all those people that i felt i couldnt live without. my parents. my lovers. if they were to suddenly go away, i dont think it would change how im feeling right now.

because now, no matter what, no matter who's around, or who im talking to. i'm lonely. alone.